Self-Partnered, Standing You Up & Why We're All a Little Bit Alone — S2E4 with Scarlett Plott, Podcaster

About This Episode

In Season 2 episode four of And Just Like That… We Found Therapy, host Isabel MV is joined by her friend and co-host of the Lesbian Supper Club Podcast, Scarlett Plott, to unpack Sex and the City's "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?" The girls are all single at the same time — and a magazine cover declaring Carrie "Single and Fabulous?" sends everyone into a quiet panic. Scarlett and Isabel get into singledom, faking orgasms, love bombing in the lesbian community, fuckboy tactics and whether Samantha was right to throw that drink.

What We Cover

• Are we ever truly not alone, even when coupled up? Samantha's "even with a man, you're still all alone" unpacked

• The sunken cost theory in relationships — why people stay way too long and what it costs them

• The "Single and Fabulous?" cover: why no press is bad press and why you're not as important as you think

• Are all the men in their 30s freaks — or are we all just burnt out from dating?

• Love bombing in the lesbian community: how it compares to fuckboy tactics and why the drop can be harder

• Why faking an orgasm is a slow betrayal of yourself — and when Miranda should have just left

• Bradley Cooper in a vintage Porsche: why Carrie walking away was her gut talking and the right call

• Samantha throwing a drink vs. laughing it off — which response actually serves you?

• The joy of taking yourself out for dinner: why eating alone is underrated and deeply therapeutic

• Why "men are all freaks" is a self-fulfilling prophecy — and how your dating energy attracts your dating results

About Our Guest

Scarlett Plott is the co-host of the Lesbian Supper Club Podcast — a community-driven show, events series and merch brand building a space for queer women in London and beyond. She is also launching her own podcast exploring the intersection of extreme sports and mental health, and her advocacy for women and the LGBTQ community in motorsport. Follow her at @_scarlettjp on Instagram and the podcast at @lesbiansupperclubpod.

Transcript

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of And Just Like That. We Found Therapy. I have with me today Scarlett.

This time, hopefully, we'll get audio and video recorded and in sync. We also have Ziggy protecting us right here.

Who's likely to bark and cause disruptions throughout this whole thing.

We will live it in so that people believe me. But other than that, this is the first recording in the new studio of the pod, and I'm very excited.

I'm taking the studio virginity.

Yes, you are.

I couldn't personally think of a better person to be doing it.

Me neither. I was hoping it wouldn't be Ziggy, because I could see Ziggy coming in and being like, I'm going to pee all over.

He's a lot of things. He's not a pee-er. Not normally.

All right.

I hope so. But anyway, we are here to discuss season two, episode four of Sex and the City. They shoot single people, don't they?

Which is a great episode.

The name is very catchy as well.

Yeah. So as per usual, I'll walk through the episode and prompt some questions, but I'm very excited. Before everything, can I prompt you to do a brief introduction?

Of course.

Hi, everyone. So yeah, I'm Scarlett. I am a podcaster myself as well.

I co-host a lesbian podcast, which is famously called the Lesbian Sepper Club Podcast. And I've been co-hosting that podcast for just a little over two years now.

And as part of the podcast, we do community events and different sort of things within the LGBTQ plus community.

You guys have created, yeah.

An amazing two years.

Yeah. It's like a three-dimensional community podcast, events, merch.

It's extremely multifaceted.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. So well done, you guys.

We've put our fingers in quite literally every pie possible.

Pun intended?

Pun always intended. Yeah.

So luckily, I have someone to look up to and a lot of road to cover. But I'm very excited because...

But I am, I'm still repping your merch.

Yes, you are.

And it's actually, I'm doubled up.

Oh, good.

I'm doubled up. So I think I get extra friend points for that as well.

Yes. So for those of you listening, she has my stickers in both her phone phone and her carpet case, which like when somebody sticks it in their phone, I'm like, unless it's your name, you must be fully, fully committed to that.

So that really touches my heart.

Very committed to the bit.

So in this episode, this is really funny because Carrie opens the episode with a voiceover saying that for once in a very long time, the four girls were together and single.

And the four of them are at a salsa club then in Soho and they're drinking and they're dancing. And I love the conversation that goes on during this outing because Charlotte is like, oh, but isn't it sad to be all alone?

Like, I just want to be coupled up. And Samantha's like, babe, like, don't be delusional. Even when you're with a man, you're still all alone.

What do you think about that?

So my initial gut instinct is to kind of like agree. I think other people can obviously compliment your life and add so many and bring so much to your life. But ultimately, what's the saying?

Like, we're born alone and we die alone.

Yep.

And I think it's true. And I think within that as well comes a kind of sense of responsibility of, yes, other people in your life can be there to bring lessons and positive things to your life, but ultimately, we're all responsible for ourselves.

And I think comes with that responsibility is that like real raw element of we are alone.

And I think you in any life experiences, whether it be like grief or breakups or entering a new job, you're alone in those moments and no other person can kind of guide you through that or make you feel like that is a really shared thing.

Other people can help, support, give you advice, but there's multiple moments, seconds, minutes, hours within the day where you are physically alone.

And also I think we spend most of our time alone in our brains, having to work through all of the different kind of trials and tribulations of life. So I definitely, definitely agree with that statement.

I can see therapy is working wonders for you.

Don't, don't, because you might be listening to this, then charge me even more money. And I'm barely scraping by.

Please consider this a plugin, which for which you should deserve a discount. So they are getting more shots and Carrie saying like, guys, please, I can't drink anymore. I have a photo shoot tomorrow morning.

I am getting, like, I got nominated for like Single and Fabulous in New York. And they're like, oh my God, how'd you get that? And they're like, we never get to go out anymore.

Just have another shot. And you can see that it gets out to like super early in the morning. Carrie's walking back home and she's like, the best way to look like I didn't spend all night up was to spend all morning up.

She's like drinking a very tall coffee, reading the newspaper when her phone rings, and is Stanford being like, where the fuck are you? And she's like, oh my god, I fell asleep. I'll be there in 20 minutes.

And he's like, what the fuck 20 minutes? So she arrives to the shoot looking like shit. And this is something that I swear could have happened to me.

Oh, it's very unbranded for me as well.

Yeah.

The one time that you need to look pretty and like have time to get ready, you look like shit. And she literally arrives looking like this. And she's like, I'm so sorry.

I tried to take a cab, but... And Stanford is like, so you couldn't find it and you dragged onto a bumper and let it drag you through the city like that? She's like, oh, please, I just need like a very tall coffee.

And she gets introduced to Stanford's new boyfriend, who is the reason why she got this shoot. And he's like, you are about a month late. Sit in the seat and Carrie's like, there'll be time for like makeup and hairdresser.

And the photographer's like, sure. And she's smoking. You are a model.

So what is the... How likely is this to happen, that you don't know if they're indeed taking like test shots and you get no hair, no makeup, no nothing. How likely is it to get fucked like Carrie did if you are a model walking into a shoot late?

It's hard because I've never been late even when I've been late because everyone else generally is so fucking hopeless with sticking to time that even if a shoot had always started at like 8 a.m.

and I had got there for 8.30, you'd still be sat twiddling your thumbs until about 10 o'clock because it always takes double the amount of time than what they set out.

Obviously, touch word, it's never happened to me that they do tests with lighting generally before hair and makeup, at which point, I mean, not really applicable to the episode, but I generally make sure that the shots are so bad that they would

never be used. Like I'm moving or it's blurry or my eyes are kind of shut for longer periods of time, so there's not a shot that they could snap and be like, Oh, actually, that's the one. Yeah.

So I think she's very unlucky, but it definitely happens like, you know, walking out of fashion week and things like that, when you've not eaten properly in a month and everyone smokes and yeah, you've been drinking and then you feel horrendous and

you've had your hair backcombed within an inch of its existence and you have on like gothic makeup, which they've given you no real means to remove. So you it's kind of half on half off your face.

Yeah.

And I've seen some pretty horrendous photos of coming out of Somerset House. But thankfully, it's again so bad, unrecognizable.

Okay. So unfortunately, this is not what happens to Carrie.

But the next scene, Charlotte, I think Carrie's voiceover is like, Oh, so normally when you're coupled up, Saturdays are reserved to browsing with your boyfriend around one of our neighborhood.

But because everyone's single, they're like power walking in Central Park, which is a ridiculous scene where Miranda's just doing the weirdest thing with her arms. And if you're trying to work out the biceps, thank God she's a lawyer.

She's about to pull a muscle at any moment.

Yes. It was ridiculous. And Charlotte is like, oh, we're walking too slow.

We're not even going to get our heart rate up enough for it to count as a workout. And in this moment, like this really cute guy passes by them running. It's like, hey Miranda, how are you?

You never called me back. You have my number. Give me a call.

And they're like, who's that cutie? And they're like, oh, it's an optometrist or something like that. Or an ophthalmologist that I faked an orgasm with once.

And Carrie is just like, okay, I'm calling it. This gossip will raise our heart rate. Let's stop working out.

And they're like smoking. And Miranda... There he is.

There he is.

They stop and they start talking about Miranda's non-orgasmic encounter with this dude.

And then Carrie says, because I smoked all my cigarettes during the workout, I had to pick up some more. And she goes to her usual spot to get more cigarettes. She gets to the kiosk and she sees that the cover of the New York magazine is her face.

Single and fabulous?

My future.

And she's like, what the fuck? So she gets the magazine. She calls an emergency meeting with the girls and she's like, What the hell?

They never told me that I was single and fabulous? I would have never done it if it was that. They told me single and fabulous, period.

Carrie is mortified and she says that she's not going to go out until this is over. And I was baffled because who is in charge of PR for her? Because one of her best friends is in PR.

Who's her publicist? Who was this run by? Don't you have that concern?

But what's the saying as well is like, no press is bad press.

So you could have also been doing the thing of like, this will rile more people up and get more sales.

It's like everyone thinks that Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber have just faked a breakup or like faked an issue because she had a new skincare brand coming out, makeup brand coming out, called Rode.

So he unfollowed her on social media and everyone was going mad. And then she was like, oh, I'm launching this makeup brand.

Thank God I have you for current events because that completely went over my head. I didn't know they did that. So anyway, I think in the next, like they're still talking about this and Miranda's like angry.

She's like, honestly, like, fuck that. We're single and fabulous because I think the article's narrative is like, you know, when you're young and single in your 20s and going out, it can be cute.

But like when you're in your 40s and going out all the time, like how cute is that? And it's pretty pathetic. And I think Miranda asks like, who's pathetic?

And Samantha's like, who's 40? Which I find hilarious because she's 40. And then Miranda's like, don't pay attention to it.

And once a year, magazine pulls out this crap to scare women into marriage. Just it'll be over with the next issue. Just let it go.

And then Carrie says like, right, right. Like everybody was brushing this off, but at the same time, within a week, Miranda had called Josh, who was marathon man or fake orgasm dude.

Charlotte had decided to take up an adventure with her neighbor, who is a out of work actor, who occasionally fixes things around the house for her.

And Samantha calls William, who was the owner of the salsa club where they were the first night, because he wanted to take her out to dance one more time. And she was like, they are scared too of dying.

Yeah, they're all trying to lock in because they're scared shitless.

Yes. So in Miranda's storyline, she calls back Josh and she continues to fake orgasms. And then they're all together at Carrie's apartment because she cannot leave until her embarrassment is over.

And they're talking about how Miranda has to fake orgasms and Samantha's saying, well, I'm going out with William and judging for how he dances, I don't think they'll have to fake anything.

Carrie says, in a world where we're faking everything, like we've even faked fur, how likely is it that people are faking relationships just not to be alone?

And I think we get different clips of people being in couples, but hating their partner or being disingenuine.

How true do you think that still is, that maybe some people settle with somebody that they're not really happy with or compatible with just so they're not alone?

Like, extremely. I think that's happening way more than people are actually staying in long-term fulfilling relationships. And I don't think that's necessarily because people are entering relationships that aren't right for them.

I think people generally enter relationships that are, you know, I would hope more right for them than not.

I don't think the perfect person exists or the perfect relationship exists, but I think as society, what we are pushed into and what we fail to recognize as individuals is that we change and our lives change.

And I think we hang on to and are kind of told to hang on to, like, the good and the memories and the past associated to someone and what once was. And we try and bring that history into the now.

And it's a really tough thing to do and a thing, I think, that is not necessarily something we should be doing, but because of this pressure. And it's almost like the sunken cost theory as well, right? It's like, have you ever heard of this?

I don't think so.

Right, so it's the sunken cost theory is basically people stay in things because they've spent so much already, rather than thinking actually I'm continuing to...

It's like being in debt rather than calling up your debt collector and saying, okay, I need to work out a plan or a payment plan or an escape plan. You just let it build and build and build because you're like, well, I'm already this far under.

And I think people do that in relationships rather than being able to kind of take it for what it is and say, okay, this was an amazing thing for however long it was, and you've taught me so much, but it's no longer.

And I think that's why people stay and end up in negative relationships and negative spaces because the fear mongering of being able to leave.

And I also think that the second part of that is that people, I do think particularly women are constantly reminded about their reproductive systems and the timing around all of that and the timing of, it's so much more prevalent to us about aging

than it is men. Men can get away with balding at the age of 30, and that's not a problem, but God forbid a woman like has a smile line. Myself, I found a smile line at the end of last year, which...

Did you kill it?

Well, who knew? Dramatically decreasing my alcohol and smoking intake has actually rebuilt my collagen, so I'm not having to yet invest in high amounts of money of investing in my face, but we're getting there. And yeah, it's the same thing.

I think we definitely, and I feel it definitely as well, like thinking, oh my God, am I getting older? And do I need to be making sure? And actually though, no, because I'd rather be happy and alone than with someone and unhappy.

And if you're unhappy alone as well, at least no one else has got to deal with it.

Yeah. And you can actually build on it at your own pace with nobody else.

The pressure, exactly. So yeah, I think sadly, we do live in a world where more people are unhappy in relationships than not. And I don't think that's again, because of necessarily the relationships, I think it's because of how long they stay.

And I think if we were taught that letting go and moving on and finding peace and leaving things where they should end, that wouldn't happen as much.

Yeah, no, I have to agree. I thought it was less prevalent this days, because the other day I heard the term self-partnered, not single, self-partnered.

I'm assuming that's making a conscious choice.

Yes.

Yeah. Rather than being something that people feel like you're just forced into being single.

Yes. Yeah. But that's interesting, because the other storyline that goes on in this episode, which is Samantha's, I love, because she's normally so empowered by being self-partnered.

She makes a conscious choice that she doesn't want to be partner up, but she goes out with William and this guy is laying it on thick for her.

And he's just throwing the we word everywhere, like, oh, wait until we go to the Hamptons and you check out my other club in the Hamptons and wait until we go to my house in East Hamptons. It's beautiful.

And wait until we try the lobster and we go sailing and wee wee wee wee wee. And Samantha calls Carrie the next morning, being like, we are going to the Hamptons this summer because William has offered his house.

And Carrie is like, isn't that a bit too early? And Samantha is like, no, it's fine. Like, we're going to have the best time.

He's really nice. Blah, blah, blah. And then he stands her up at a restaurant.

I'm curious to know, because that is a fuckboy walking, talking, ducking, whatever you want to call it. You see men sometimes leaning in the present to what they think you want to hear to get what they want.

Is there an equivalent in the lesbian world?

A hundred percent. There's two equivalents. So you get fuckboy lesbians as well.

Oh, you do? Yeah. And I would argue kind of maybe worse than male fuckboys.

Because they do move in?

They do.

They lock in fast. And also, there's almost that toxic masculinity to another level of fuckboy lesbians in the community where I think that they feel like they have even more to prove.

So that can be, thank god, touch wood, I've not had one in my own right. But I know that they can be, through the grapevine, I know it can be not great.

And then I think that, but there's a second thing in lesbian relationships, is that getting stood up from a personal perspective has never happened. It hasn't happened to the people around me in my life as well.

And I have a lot of queer friends in my life. And as far as I'm aware, none of them have ever been stood up. But what can happen is that up and the down is a lot quicker.

So I feel like in heterosexual relationships, sometimes women get stood up or get ghosted before even the first date or the second date.

Whereas generally with lesbians, you'll have an intense one month period of like dinner, sleeping together, seeing each other three or four times a week, potential meeting all the friends, potential meeting the family.

And then someone will just drop out and it'll be like done. Which arguably is maybe a bit worse because more investment goes in.

Yeah.

But we should all know better and we do all know better and yet it continues to happen. So there's only there's a certain amount of empathy that I can have.

Because a lot of the time you see the red flags and you know, but it still happens because two girls I think like the level of emotion and the level of like wanting connection is there even higher. So that kind of amps it up.

But again, like you kind of know, I think it's happening when it's happening. I know it's happening when it's happening to the people around me, but they walk into it still anyway.

And then of course, nine times out of 10, you generally end up getting burned because you actually don't know the person that you think you're in love with. Love bombing happens a lot in the lesbian community.

I mean that I could see happening. Jesus, like honestly, nobody's safe.

And then the thing is with the lesbian community, a week after the month long, what do we call it, situationship that you think was going to be a marriage has ended, you'll generally find out that the girl that's ghosted you or just ghosted you

completely disappeared is probably dating your ex. So there's always a layer.

Is there always correlation?

Always. There's always a layer. You're never more than probably two people removed from your ex-girlfriend at any given time.

Fair enough.

Okay. That sounds brutal. I...

That's why me and Ziggy are moving to Antarctica.

Fair enough.

I won't come visit. Why don't you move to a nice island instead?

Yeah, actually, I'm not going somewhere cold. I'd be much better on a desert island in the heat.

Okay. So then the next scene I love, like honestly, this episode is so good, because I think Carrie is like sick and tired.

She goes to buy more cigarettes from her regular dude in the kiosk, and the guy judges her because he looks at the cover of the magazine and looks at her.

She's there doing it again. Yeah.

And she's just like, yeah, it's me, whatever. And she goes home and she's like, fuck it, I am single and fabulous! She gets beautifully ready.

And then she goes to this party for a lunch of something with Stanford on a Tuesday. And you can see that she's having a good old time, maybe pushing it a little bit to prove a point.

Me having beef with the man, sorry, Carrie having beef with the man in the kiosk is very me. You going home and dolling yourself up to prove a point is very you.

Because I think I'd have beef with the man at the kiosk and then go home and be like, I actually don't care, fuck everyone.

Whereas you would have been so nice and try to cover myself. And if he is like, oh yeah, whoops.

Yeah. But then you would have gone home and taken revenge in a six inch pair of heels.

Yeah. 100 percent. So she goes to this party and she's getting very drunk.

And I love this show because it's during the 90s. Like nobody cares about indoor smoking. Not that I smoke, but like, you know.

I would love people to still not care about indoor smoking, to be honest.

It's a whole other vibe.

It is.

It's just a vibe. But even like, even if when I, I mean, I'm not really a smoker, but I do socially smoke.

Yes.

I'm not a smoker day in and day out. But even if I wasn't, I think I would still enjoy it because it is just a vibe.

I mean, you then come out reeking of cigarettes.

Yeah. And you can't get it out of your clothes for like three weeks.

Yes. But I think at one point, they're showing Carrie being sloppy drunk and dropping on top of a bunch of other people and spilling drinks. And she's angry.

Which would again be me after getting doled up and going to this party. There would still be that beef that I have with myself. We're missing my beauty sleep before the shoot, Stanford's boyfriend, the kiosk man, everything.

And Stanford is like, okay, Tartini, I think you've had enough. Like it's time to go home. She's like, it's early.

And he's like, no, it's 2 a.m. on a Tuesday.

Wow.

And Carrie's like, I want to meet cute boys. So she stays and as Stanford is telling her that all the boys in the party are gay, gay, gay, you see Bradley Cooper, very young Bradley Cooper, walking through with a cigarette in his mouth.

And Carrie says he was just what I was looking for. Single, heterosexual and a smoker. Yeah.

And they are having a great time driving around in his vintage Porsche, smoking cigarettes, and he stops to get more cigarettes. And Carrie's like, you know, fixing herself up while he's getting the cigarettes.

And he shows up with the magazine and he's like, is this you?

And then her voiceover comes in and she was like, fuck, if I had slept, like if I were to sleep with this man, it would be the first time that I'd be sleeping with a man to validate my life.

Right, okay.

So she walks off on her date and leaves Bradley Cooper alone. How do you feel about how she handled that? How do you feel about, like, her whole energy being, like, angry after a man, getting the man and then walking off?

Trying to think what I would do in that situation.

I actually think that her having that moment of realisation and being able to walk away.

That's pretty sober. Like, I was like...

Is amazing. And I'd like to think that it's something that I would do. But actually, I think in the moment, it's not something that I would do.

No.

I think I would, and I would like to say that I'm a pretty, like, outspoken, self-convicted individual.

And there's a lot of, like, scenarios whereby I will be convicted and stand up.

But there are some scenarios whereby I know I'll sit back and allow things to happen in front of me or to me, even if I know that it's not right or if I'm not comfortable.

And that's definitely one of them where I think inside, I would want to do exactly what she'd done, but I don't think I would. So and I don't think a lot of us would either.

I honestly, the people pleaser in me would have been like, I've carried on this too far. So now I'm sticking, like I would have never, especially the way she leaves, that is like she, cause he says, I'm not letting you out.

And she walks on the car to get out. It's like, oh my God, like what a boss ass move. But I feel like I would have been like, oh my God, I'm mortified.

Like I would have told the story, probably ended up at somebody's, like I know I would have been way too deep for me to do what she did.

Same. The only thing I think is for me, it depends what was said personally to me or how it was handled from the other person, is to how much the potential anger in me could have been triggered.

Yeah.

Because if I'd got angry enough, I'd stomp on the car.

Yeah.

But it takes me a lot to get to the point. But if I got to the point, I would do it. But it depends what their level of like approach would be, would determine my level of reaction.

Yeah.

Okay. I mean, I've seen you get pretty aggressive pretty quick around your car.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It can happen. It can happen. I think the car is the point.

Yeah. As soon as you said stomping on the car, I was like, actually, this is feeling a little bit more like me.

Yeah. Okay. So the end of the episode, I think, draws everything together where Miranda had tried to train marathon man into getting more acquainted with a female body and like that backfires.

How common is it for lesbians to maybe also be lost in that aspect? Because I think there's a sentence that Miranda says like, okay, like, do you know the anatomy of a woman? And he's like, for fuck's sake, so like, I'm a doctor.

Of course I do. And he's like, you're not a doctor. It's like, do you know where the clitoris is?

He's like, yeah. And she was like, well, it's about two inches down from what you think it is. So is that common in your world or is it not?

And does it maybe tend to happen with like, I don't know, straight girls that maybe...

It's definite. So the short answer is no. Like from a personal experience, I have never had bad lesbian sex.

I've had obviously different levels of good, but I've never had bad lesbian sex and I've never had to teach someone.

So there's no faking orgasms in the lesbian?

I've never faked an orgasm in the lesbian. I'm sure people have, but again, if I think about the group of friends that I have and the discussions we have, nothing jumps out as to someone has done that. I'm sure it happens.

But is the art dark?

Usually within the community, it's what we would call baby gays.

So girls of any age who have realized that they're queer in whatever capacity and want to sleep with a woman for the first time and are absolutely terrified that they are going to get it wrong.

Whereas I think the problem is with men, there's such a level of entitlement against and in society where women are concerned that it doesn't even fucking cross their mind that they could be bad. And I think that's the problem.

Whereas again, with even baby gaze going into it, there's such that level of consciousness of wanting to get it right and not wanting to be bad. They're not bad because they're even having enough thought process to think about it.

Whereas I think men are just kind of basically taught, again, from such a young age, that it's kind of their entitlement and they're kind of there to please themselves and anything beyond that. They're actually just not that bothered about.

And I'm sure there's a lot of guys listening to this are going to be super pissed off. And I hope that that's true, that there's a lot of men who do. But I also think the reality is the reality.

And there's a lot of my straight friends who are not having the same sex lives as my lesbian friends. And that's fact.

That's a fact. And like for those men that are getting angry because this may be hitting close to home, listen to the previous week's episode because Alejandra Wells-Pena specializes in making sure you guys know what you're doing.

And also women do by proxy have the advantage of like, it's our literal own anatomy, right?

Yeah.

So look, guys are somewhat on the back foot there. I'm not going to be sitting here advocating for men in any capacities. I think they get enough.

Like they don't need me to be doing this. And we're going to take the one ticket that we've got. But there is that level of it.

But yeah, I think like I have personally, it's not something that is that prevalent in the community. But on another viewpoint, you can also just meet people in life that you're just sexually not compatible with.

And it doesn't mean that they're bad in bed or you're good in bed or you're bad in bed. It's just like some people just don't vibe in that way.

Yeah, I agree. And that's just, you know, nature telling you like, not meant for you.

Exactly. It's the biggest gut instinct that you could have. Do you listen to that, Iza, just out of interest?

Yeah, I do.

You do?

I do.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I do.

You don't stick around when the sex is bad.

Sometimes I challenge some things to make a point.

Okay.

And like, let me tell you, my conclusions are thoroughly researched.

Okay.

So, anyways, besides that, I think Charlotte decides to pretend she's in a relationship with her neighbor and they have also like a pretend breakup, which is kind of sweet.

And Carrie braves into the single world by having lunch by herself in New York with no book, no shield, no book, like no friends, no nothing. Which I'm like, dude, New York must be the easiest place for you to have lunch alone.

Because no one, everyone is so busy doing God knows what, like no one's paying that much attention.

Do you like to hang out by yourself at a restaurant?

Yeah. I actually go, so opposite where my therapy is. Yeah.

It's like the most base, you'll be offended, but it's the most basic, but the most delicious pasta restaurant. Vapiano's, have you ever heard of Vapiano's?

Yes, I have.

So it's like the McDonald's, yeah, right? It's like the McDonald's pasta. So that's opposite my therapy.

So every time I leave therapy, I go and sit down and have a bottle of beer and a massive plate of Vapiano's pasta. And I love it.

That sounds like great therapy in itself.

Yeah, and I love it.

So, okay, maybe this was groundbreaking for the 90s, but like in this day and age, like I love going alone. The only reason why I don't like going alone to a restaurant is because I don't get to pick more plates.

Agreed.

To try more things.

Agreed.

But Vapiano's is the perfect single. Yeah, because you know what you want.

Exactly, you know what you want, and it's cheap enough that you could get to and not finish them and you're not like thinking, Jesus, I've just spent 60 quid.

Yeah, yeah, but I think that it is growing more with this generation of like females and women as well. I'm just thinking about Kelly's, one of our friends, Kelly, like actively chooses to take herself out for three course meals quite often.

Yeah, yeah, she, as in she genuinely like, if you were to ask her to join, she'd reject you because she absolutely like, she loves it to a point of like, it's one of her favorite things to do. And I genuinely think that's iconic.

Yeah.

And I think she always says that she generally gets like the richest, biggest dessert possible, like a big slice of chocolate cake or something, and she will just like, devour the whole lot.

And it's just like one of the most therapeutic things that she can do.

That sounds amazing. I've done that while traveling, like a set menu, kind of like chef's table kind of thing. And you also get to enjoy the food more because nobody's distracting you.

No one's trying to talk.

You're not trying to talk whilst eating. You're not worrying about someone watching you spill it all down your top. Like I do quite like to eat like an animal.

So being alone, again, the only thing that bothers me actually is other people. Because I think, funnily enough, but even like people serving you and other people because they're almost feeling sorry for you.

So then, because I've had it before where people have almost like not made comments, but been like overly nice in terms of trying to engage or, you know, like the waiter, I feel like is much more like nicer because they're almost taking like feeling

sorry for you. And that makes me feel a bit weird because then I'm like, oh, should I feel sad that I'm alone? But actually, no, like this is a celebratory moment.

Just make eye contact with your stuff in your face with a big grin.

One of the therapy sessions I did have when I went and got Vapiano's after, there was a girl, I was kind of sat on one of the lower tables. And then there was a girl that came in and sat on one of the higher tables, like opposite me.

And she was also alone. And it was also like we were both completely on the same vibe, where she sat down, ordered a glass of wine. It was a very like methodical procedure, ordered her pasta, ate it in a record amount of time, the same as me.

And we just had a couple of quick glances at each other, where it was like, oh, we're in this.

I salute you.

Yeah. Like, you're having a great time. I'm having a great time.

We'll go home after this, crash out and it will be done.

Yeah. I remember one of my most epic single dates was when I was freezing my eggs. The day before the retrieval.

And I was back home because I wanted my father to look after me. And my father deserted me. And I was like left to my own devices, which in Spain is like, you know, great.

But I took myself, I wasn't supposed to drink. And I was like, fuck it, I just really need a beer. And I had like a three course meal with like, maybe two or three beers.

Great.

Yeah.

So my ex, the ones who made it out, have been stamped by Estrella Galicia, my local beer.

Do you know what? I think that's like, that's the way to start your journey.

Yeah.

As an embryo, to be honest. Because survival of the fittest and all that. And who wants a kid that's not going to like a stale?

Yeah, like be a bit like...

Exactly.

Like being mingled with.

Exactly.

Okay.

So as the last bit of the episode, I'm going to ask you to maybe do some like quick advice for the girls. So for Carrie... Yeah.

For Carrie, if she was your friend and she had like this fiasco with a cover of the magazine, the photo shoot, and then walking out Bradley Cooper, not to, you know, have invalidate her life, what would you tell her?

So where the magazine thing is like concerned, and I say this to my friends and say it to myself a lot as well. I think I'm very, very marginally in like the public eye and online.

And I think I can overthink it so much about what people outside of my life think of me and are writing on the Internet or whatnot.

And actually, when I zoom out a bit, I'm like, even if people are writing and thinking things, it's literally 10 seconds of their day and then they're not thinking of you again.

Yeah.

And like, that's the same as someone reading, you know, seeing a photo of you in a magazine and reading a title and either thinking that they don't agree, agree or whatever. But then the next day, it's something else.

And I think like saying to yourself, you're really not that important is actually just like a really nice way of handling things.

It's just taking your ego out of it and thinking actually is quite egotistical to think this many people give this much of a shit about me. So I just need to let it go.

You know how upset I get about a bad picture of myself.

Yeah.

I could picture me getting to the cock and bottle being like, hey, look the dirty that we do.

We don't laugh, but you kind of have to laugh enough.

You've been like, babe, they fucked you.

Yeah. You have to, okay, so sorry. So yeah, you have to acknowledge it for what it is.

A hundred percent. You have to validate the feelings and don't lie to your friends and tell them that a bad photo is a good photo because that is fucked up behavior.

But then also you have to say to your friend like, no one fucking cares, shut up now kind of thing. You know, like, yeah, we're all going to laugh and it'll probably hit the group chat like two or three times.

It would become a sticker.

Yeah. But like, I also feel like exposure therapy, right? So that you can, you've got to take the positive from everything.

The Bradley Cooper thing. I think my advice would be probably done the right thing because you stayed convicted to your initial reaction in that moment.

And even if sometimes you can look back and say, I may have done something a little bit different, that is mainly your gut talking again, like talking about gut and intuition.

That's your gut talking, that's your intuition talking, and that's something saying to you, I'm not comfortable here, so I'm going to leave.

And whether other people agree with that or not is kind of not like you're serving your initial reaction in that moment.

Yeah.

So I would be advocating for that.

Okay. What about Charlotte, who decides to like, who in the group would do this? Maybe Di-Am.

Like she would just like be with someone out of pure like convenience, like, oh, you know, like he picks up my mail on the way upstairs.

It's not me. I can't get on board with that.

Yeah.

Because personally for me, I think like, when I like when I like someone or I'm interested in someone, it is an investment.

Yeah.

And I can't be bothered to do anything just if I like someone a little bit or just enough to be around them. Like that for me, I would find a really like tiresome grueling task, even if they were doing things for me to just say thank you.

I agree.

Because if the emotional investment is not there, I just can't. And I do think I can't be around anyone in both friend capacity or relationship that is not a hundred percent like I feel an authentic connection.

Because if I feel like at all, I have to be a certain way, that makes me so wildly uncomfortable. And I'm actually really envious of people who can just turn it on and like work the room.

And there are certain scenarios, and particularly in like working scenarios or, you know, broader events where you're meeting friends of friends, of course.

But if it's someone that I'm actively choosing to go out of my way to put investment and time in, aka go and sit at the pub, because let's be real, what else do I fucking do? Yeah, I can't. If we're not 100% on the same vibe, it's not happening.

Okay.

I agree with you. And I think at the end, Carrie's voiceover does say like she broke up with him because she realized she couldn't fake intimacy, which is so true.

What would you tell Miranda who is like trying so hard to sleep with a man that like she even after she goes on an intensive course of like this is a woman's body and this is how you're supposed to go around it, she needs to fake one last orgasm and

then forgets to return his last call. What would you tell her?

Done the right thing.

And I think this is like such a difficult one because if I was with someone or dating someone that ticked every other box, but the sex wasn't good, I think I would probably hang around for a bit just because finding someone who understands you

emotionally, who can deescalate situations of tension really well together, great with like your friends, family, those things are huge. So it sometimes I think feels a bit like almost self-serving to just ditch someone based on sex.

But at the same time, I think as we touched upon earlier, it is your gut as well. It's like it is your instinct kind of telling you that something's not right. And I don't think you can ignore that long term.

So I think she absolutely done the right thing.

Would you tell her like maybe you're gay?

Yeah, well she is, right? Yeah. So exactly.

That is generally the answer as well. That's what I'm trying to get everyone.

That always kind of applies.

Yeah. You're consistently having bad sex. Have you ever considered you may be a lesbian?

Or you may just actually benefit more from becoming one, which is 100% possible.

Although honestly, after what you said about the love bombing and how hard...

True.

Do you know what?

Sometimes I say to my friends, if I could choose to be straight, I wouldn't. And then sometimes I retract that statement and think it's maybe easier.

I know there's going to be a lot of men excited about that statement.

But then also...

But then also no.

Yeah, but then also BO., men's BO.

Oh, really?

I can't stand it. Not even BO. You know, some women like love the smell, the phlegm.

No.

Interesting. That is your body telling you.

Exactly.

All right. And then last but not least, Samantha, who gets stood up by the fuckboy in this restaurant, where she's being waited on by like apparently a Pakistani man. And she, as you said, he's extra kind to her because she's alone.

But that in her voice over thoughts means that when she goes to the bathroom to compose herself and she gets out, the man kisses her and carries voice over says, because he was so sweet to her, she let it happen. I have two questions for you.

How would you, because I think she handles the fuckboy by throwing a drink in his face at his club and lets the Pakistani waiter kiss her. What would be your two pieces of advice on those two things to her?

I think she's wrong with both. I think when people behave like that and stand you up and do things like that, the worst thing you can do is show them that you care.

I agree.

And I think for me, it would just, I would almost laugh it off back at them and be like, oh, it's literally fine. I didn't, I wasn't really that bothered about coming anyway and I ate all the food myself. I would do that.

I wouldn't give someone the satisfaction of showing, especially someone who I don't know. Like if a friend, actually not even a friend, I'd probably still be fine.

But if it was someone who I really liked and had been seeing for a while, I would call it out, but still not to that level. I would very much be quite contrived in my response. And then the kissing the guy at a feeling sorry for him.

Look, again, as a certified people pleaser, there's a lot of things that I do to keep other people around me happy, even to the absolute detriment to myself.

But when it comes to like physical engagement, so like letting someone kiss me, I don't think I could get there and just even allow that. And I don't think it's the right thing to do as well, personally, just because I think you'll...

The more you kind of betray yourself in those ways and just let other people do those things because you feel bad, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger over time.

So you start with the little things, just like letting those little things slide, and then it gets bigger and bigger, and then it catches up with you. So my advice would be the way she responded to both of those things is wrong.

So you would have completely brushed off William, and then to the waiter, you would have been like, whoa, whoa, thank you so much, have a good night.

Yeah, I would have been like, you're really, really nice, but we're just not on the same. We're not on the same vibe here.

Yeah, I feel like I would have been like, how dare you? I'm so bold now. All right, so that's the end of the episode.

Thank you so much, Scarlett. I would just like to ask you, last but not least, what's coming up with Lesbian Supper Club. I also know that you're working on something else, anything else that you want to plug in.

Lesbian Supper Club continues to be chaos and again, be plugging left, right and center.

It just grows every day and the community grows every day and it is always an incredible thing that I'm always going to be super proud of.

Its creation and its existence and what has been built from it, I think is just, you know, something that I will always be so grateful for and so happy that we've been able to bring to London and hopefully wider.

We've got plans to try and expand Supper Club as far and wide as possible because I think the more that it can be opened up to a wider community, the better. And then, yeah, in my personal projects, I'm starting my own podcast as well.

So just more podcasts, but apparently they're still like the fastest growing thing in media. So here we are.

And yeah, I'm going to be starting my own podcast, which is going to be focused around the intersection between extreme sports and mental health.

So after going through various of my own mental health struggles throughout my life and different experiences, I'd come to a point last year where I'd realized I'd just completely neglected myself in every sense of the capacity of the word.

And from that decided that the one thing that was going to make me happy was getting back on the motorbike. And I was right. And it was the one thing that I dedicated to myself and done for myself in a really long time.

And it just completely was the kind of stepping stone to me feeling like I literally was coming back to life. And I want to be able to share that with other people.

And I want other people to be able to find their vices that are positive vices outside of drinking and smoking. Despite me saying I spend an awful lot of time at the pub.

So the whole podcast is going to be based around that intersectionality between those things.

And I plan on doing a lot of stuff, also then with women and the LGBTQ community, both within Formula One and MotoGP, because I don't think it will surprise anyone to find out that women have a very marginal space in those worlds.

And I'd like to be able to advocate for opening those worlds up and creating more opportunities for women in the community and the LGBT community in those spaces.

Amazing.

So it's going to be a busy year, but lots of positive things. I'm really looking forward to it.

Plus, you look gorgeous on a motorcycle, so.

I feel like a motorcycle is hard for anyone to look bad because the thing itself is so...

Oh, I look like so out of place.

No, because you've got the legs for a bike.

I was talking to someone about this this morning because a lot of people usually struggle to ride motorbikes, especially women, because we're generally shorter, so you can't touch the floor, which is really difficult when you're trying to balance the

traffic lights. So technically, you have the perfect body for it. We'll see about it. We'll see.

But anyway, very exciting.

Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you for having me. It's been really good.

And don't forget to follow us on social media at iamscarlett. What is your handle?

My personal handle is at underscore scarlettjp, and the Lesbian Supper Club podcast is at Lesbian Supper Club Pod.

And this podcast, Instagram, is at We Found Therapy Pod. Thank you guys.

I'll see you soon. Make sure we fucking save it this time.