Sex, Power & the Price We All Pay — Episode 5 with Biet Simkin, Spiritual Teacher & Author
About This Episode
In episode five of And Just Like That… We Found Therapy, host Isabel MV sits down with world-renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling author Biet Simkin to unpack Sex and the City's "The Power of Female Sex." They explore the transactional nature of desire, what it really means to use your sexuality as currency, why external validation is a trap — and how a tampon in a restaurant bathroom might be the most powerful moment in the whole episode.
What We Cover
The fine line between owning your sexuality and using it as a transaction — and who's really paying
Why Biet tried high-end prostitution, what it taught her, and the moment she walked away
How stopping objectification — of others and yourself — changes the energy you attract
The "tampon scene" reframed: why the real power of female sex has nothing to do with men
Amelita's lifestyle as a choice, not a judgment — and what we can learn from it
What butterflies, groping and unsolicited $1,000 tips all have in common
Why Charlotte is "bullshitting everybody" — and what her wild side reveals about performance vs. authenticity
Miranda's anger, Samantha's armour, and what each girl is really covering up
About Our Guest
Biet Simkin is a spiritual teacher, bestselling author and musician dubbed "the David Bowie of meditation." Sober for 16 years, she draws on a rich personal journey — including addiction, loss and transformation — to guide clients toward radical self-awareness and lasting change. She currently runs two group programmes: Inner Circle and Wifestyle, a group for women relearning their relationship patterns with men, held on Zoom globally. Find her work and both programmes in the show notes.
Transcript
Hello, guys, and happy Tuesday. Welcome to yet another episode of And Just Like That, We Found Therapy. For this week's episode, we're going to discuss The Power of Female Sex, and I am bringing to you the legend Biet Simkin.
She was so much fun to record with, and I will share some clips on the Instagram account of the podcast, where you can see that I am just in awe of everything she's saying, including how she also dwindled with high-end prostitution to be able to
afford some of her addictions. She is now sober and actually doing amazing work, normally very exclusively on one-on-ones, but she is now running two group therapies, one called Inner Circle and another one called Wive Style.
I'll put all the information for both programs on the episode notes, and I hope you guys enjoy it. Also, let me know what you think. Follow, rate, comment, and yeah, this will be my first week sharing some clips of the recording.
Let me know what you think about that, and I'll see you on the other side. I love you.
Bye.
Hello, everybody, and welcome, Biet. How are you today?
I'm good, Issa. Nice to be together.
Nice to be together. I'm so excited to have you here. Biet is the world-renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling author, dubbed the David Bowie of meditation, which I think must be the baddest, in the best way, nickname I've ever heard.
You're also a musician that weaves together pop culture and spirituality. I'm so excited to have such a powerful woman today to discuss season one, episode five of Sex and the City, The Power of Female Sex.
So excited.
So, as per usual, I'll frame the episode and go a bit scene by scene and prompt questions to you and then let's see where the interview and conversation takes us.
In this episode, I think we get introduced to the girls going to this new hip restaurant in New York called Balzac and Samantha and Carrier together, the hostess of the restaurant has been extremely rude to them.
And I think at this stage, Samantha is trying really hard to get a table. They eventually give up. And as they're walking out of the restaurant, Samantha says, if he were a man, not only would be seated already, but they've sent over drinks.
And we get introduced to the theme of the episode, which is The Power of Female Sex. Yeah. So, after this, Carrie goes to Dolce & Gabbana to soothe her bad day.
She's buying this Dolce & Gabbana sandals, and apparently she can't afford them. And we get introduced to a new character, Amalita Malfi. That looks so flashy.
And Amalita's like, don't you worry, I got you the sandals. Actually, her boyfriend's getting the sandals. I love you so much, I never see you, blah, blah, blah.
So my first question to you, Biet, is what do you think about some people, like Amalita, that are exuding sexual energy? And it's very obvious the relationship she's getting of her boyfriend is an exchange.
Because I think she even mentions that, you know, her family, his family has a very large ranch in Argentina, and he has a very tiny penis, but he knows just how to use it.
So what do you think of some women that are so open about wanting a relationship with a man just for the goodies?
Yeah, I mean, there's nothing, like life is about choices. So it's not like I'm here, it's like I'm not like some weird Christian God who's coming down from the heavens to like bestow my judgments on people.
I have no idea what's right for anybody, you know, but what I can say for myself is, you know, I tried prostitution, high-end prostitution. You did? I mean, yeah, to some extent, yeah, I did.
There was a time, I was about to try it, I should say, but I definitely like started down that road being like, maybe this is the solution, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And when I began that journey, I instantly saw kind of what Carrie saw, like it wasn't for me, like it wasn't like, and it's not about, you know, moral issue, like I feel like, you know, I mean, we haven't gotten to that part of the episode, but I
feel like I just have these very, very strong morals and values. And so being a high end prostitute or any kind of prostitute, I mean, if I'm going to be a prostitute, I would definitely choose that.
The high end.
Yes, I would choose that character, you know, for sure. But she is a prostitute, that's prostitution, regardless of, I don't care whether she marries that guy or whether she just bangs him and then bangs another guy.
Whatever you do when there's an exchange that's financial, it's prostitution. I think it's best to call a spade a spade.
Interesting.
Yeah.
So even if we never find out in this episode whether or not Amelita is running a ring of high end prostitutes, you do think just what you've seen here, to you that's calling a spade a spade, there's an exchange, there's no love. It's a contract.
Maybe there's love. I'm not saying there's no love and prostitution. That's again not for me to say.
It's just a matter of like choices, right? Like for me, it wasn't enough love. I wanted a life with boundless possibilities.
I wanted a life with true love. I wanted a life with friendship and respect.
And I had a lot of values that were imbued in me in childhood that by the time I was old enough and hot enough to manipulate men to pay for shit, I started to question very quickly whether that was going to work for me. And it didn't feel right.
Even when I was 16, I had a best friend. He was older than me and he had more money than me because I was in high school and he was like in... I think he dropped out of college, but he was working for a living.
And so he had money. So he would buy all my food, he would buy all my coffee, he would buy all my shit. And the truth is, I knew he had a crush on me.
I knew. But I just-
So you used that.
I used it, but I conveniently chose to overlook that he had a crush on me. But to be fair, I don't think that's honest. If I had just said to him from the front end, I'm never going to sleep with you.
Ever. You want to buy me coffee, you want to buy me lunch because I'm brilliant, great. But I'm never going to sleep with you.
If I had said that, then it would have been honest. But the fact is, I kind of never said it. You can still do.
And I think I always implied that maybe I would. And so then I was like, well, if I just drag this uncertainty out for him indefinitely, like he'll just keep buying me lunches and dinners. You know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
So this is, to me, a perfect segue to the next scene of the episode, which is my favorite scene of this episode, which is all the girls. I think Carrie says, you know, I'm trying to save money and maybe even pick up some dollars.
So she invites the girls over for a poker night. And they're all having this debate about how fair is it to do what you did. But in a greater scheme of things, like to what extent do you think that women should use their attributes to get further?
And in the debate, I love it because it's like talking to your girlfriends and somebody saying, I think Miranda says, like, it's fair to do anything short of sleeping with them, like everything but sleeping with them.
And Samantha says, no, if that's what it takes to be at the table, that what it takes to win, do it, sleep with them. And I think Charlotte says, that's exploitation. And Samantha says, of men.
So my next question to you is, how do you feel about that?
Because I am getting from your previous anecdote that maybe your higher self, if it could travel back in time, would have been maybe more honest just so that you could sit more comfortably in being fair.
You know, the truth is, I have no idea. I've never been like a person who believes in traveling back in time. I'm so grateful for my mistakes.
I'm so grateful for my sins and all of the things that I've done wrong, because they were the things that allowed me to see truth. And I'm the kind of person who does a lot of things wrong, and I do them wrong a lot of times before.
I'm not like the most easily teachable character on the planet. But when I learn, I learn in a way that I think is very unusual, which is what makes me the spiritual teacher that I am.
When I learn, I don't just learn, I literally turn into a new person. And I think that level of transformation is what we're looking to have happen in this life.
We're looking to be one way, and then wake up and have a miracle occur where we're no longer that way. So would I go back and do things differently? Yeah, for sure, because I know so much now, and I would be whatever.
But you know, the truth is also like I believe the source exists or what I call God. And like, I don't think even if I did everything right in my life, I don't think I'd necessarily be like in the perfect place. I would be in a different place.
Yeah.
But I would just have other lessons to learn.
It's not like...
You'd probably be a lot less enlightened if you did everything right in your life, to be fair.
Maybe, you know. Maybe not.
Maybe not. I don't know.
But what do you think about some women that, you know, I've worked in finance all my life and I know that sometimes being a woman, and not just because of positive discrimination, but like being a woman that knows how to dress and is like kind of
pretty, it will get you a bit further. And like, yeah, I lean into that also because like, sue me. I like to look pretty.
But where do you stand seeing that maybe some women flirt with that boundary or that line between sleeping your way through the top and maybe just leaning a bit more into manipulating men? What do you think is fair?
Because at the end of the day, it's 2024, we all got the message men have a lot more privileges than women do. So, maybe this is our privilege.
Yeah, I mean, it's a weird world. You know, we live in a world where it's dishonest. You know, I just think there's a lot of dishonesty going on.
But I don't think being sexy and looking hot and being smart and being present, I don't think that is dishonest. Like, I still dress, like I dress really sensually.
Like, I wear tiny, tiny, like so funny, I have a six-year-old and she wears only like super short shorts.
Yeah.
Like she only will wear, like I've got her these shorts and they were like a little longer. And she was like, mommy, I don't like them when they go like this. And I realized it's because I wear like super short shorts every day.
And she's kind of still at an age where she thinks I'm like really cool. So she's imitating me. I know that'll pass.
She'll probably like only wear like giant fucking Janko shorts one day.
So you're playing the long game as a concerned parent.
Exactly. Oh my God, that's hilarious. No, no, I just I truly like, I love my sexuality and love my sensuality.
Here's the thing that I would say I pivoted in in my life. I've been sober for 16 years. So 16 years ago, I was like a drug heroin addict.
Again, like on the verge of prostitution, I decided again to not go that route. But I did try a little bit of it before I made that decision. I was like, oh, this is disgusting.
And it wasn't for me. I'm so not judgmental of anyone who tries it. There's also like fun aspects of it.
It's nice to have people throwing thousands of dollars on you, like just because they had sex with you, because it makes you feel like, wow, like I must be really great in bed. Which is like really not true, because anything can be good in bed.
Anyway, when I got sober, I had this realization that a lot of my value came from my sexuality. Like I was like, this gives me so much value. And I had to put it down in a way.
I had to like shut it down. But when I did that, what I did was I stopped wanting to be objectified by men, and I stopped objectifying men myself. I stopped being like, oh, he's such a 10, or he's an eight, or you know what I mean?
Which by the way, all the characters on Sex and the City objectify men and women. They objectify everybody, right? And I had to let that go.
It was like a sacrifice I made. And when I did that, all the gross, disgusting Predator dudes stopped noticing me. It was like magic.
I didn't stop being hot. I didn't stop dressing sexy. It's just like a force field, like a Star Wars, like these are not the droids you're looking for moment occurred.
And now only really like good, humble, kind, good men saw me. It was like the fourth wall was broken.
It was interesting.
Amazing. Yeah.
Okay. So I am reading between the lines a bit here. And I think that also you talk about your sexuality and everything that you did, especially after that fourth wall was broken, you did it for you.
You didn't use it to get an advantage. You didn't use it to. So maybe if you got a better man by doing that, or if you got better job opportunities, let's call it karma.
Let's not call it, you know, maybe using your attributes.
Yeah, there was no lie. I wasn't lying. So I wasn't insinuating to anyone that at the end of the rainbow, they were going to get a piece of ass.
I was like, look, you get what you get and you don't get upset. Like, I'm gorgeous. I'm brilliant.
And you want to have me in the room. You want to hang out with me. You want to put money into this.
You want to invest in this. Great. But I'm not going to fuck you.
You know what I mean? Or with my husband, who I've been with for 15 years, I was like, I'm definitely going to fuck you. And I'll fuck you anytime you like, you know?
So it was like a clear, it was a clear offering. It wasn't like, sort of, maybe I'll fuck you, you know?
Right, right, right, right. So you don't think that dangling that carrot is a way to go to get what you want?
I think when you're young and confused, if that's a, it's a thing that a lot of women do. I definitely did it so much. Did it get me what I wanted?
No, it didn't get me what I wanted. It just didn't, you know, like Sharon Stone says, you can only fuck your way to the middle. I definitely fucked my way to a lot of middle.
I had never heard of that.
Well, it's a great line, right?
Yeah.
Okay. So the thing is that I agree with you, but there's something, I think in the middle of that debate, then Charlotte kind of talks about this artist that walks into her gallery that apparently is a big shop.
And she's so excited and he invites her over to his farm where, I guess, he paints. And the minute a man invites a woman over, I think she rightly so was like, okay, does that mean that he wants me to hold his brush? I think they joke about it.
And that question is in her mind, but she was like, yeah, but if I do get him to show at my gallery, that will get me far. And she goes. You know, she understands that maybe the situation was not what she thought.
The guy is literally there to and because I think in that stage, she's not lying. She's just going, knowing that he might want that, probably knowing that she would never agree to it. And just to see if she can convince him to show at her gallery.
And then he offers to paint her beautiful vagina. And it's a convincing game between him and his wife. And you can tell that Charlotte is probably not one to model for that, but she does it.
Do you think that then when you maybe do some things with your body that go not against your values, but like I think he or she was probably pushed to the limit.
I'm guessing from, you know, what you've little you've told me that probably sometimes you have been pushed to your limit, sometimes I've been pushed to my limit and I welcome it. But sometimes I really it shakes me to the core for days.
Yeah, no, I loved the ending of the of the of the episode. I thought that it was very telling. The episode really made clear that Carrie didn't want to be a prostitute.
She was like, this isn't for me. I don't like this is just not my path, right? And Charlotte, I guess they're all kind of part of one person.
If you think about it, right? It's like they're all part of one person. So I think of like the Carrie part of me is the part of me that's like doesn't want to be a prostitute.
But the Charlotte part of me is the part of me that's like, yeah, I'll show you my vagina to get you in my gallery. You know what I mean? But like also how eccentric and weird is that?
But I also think there's something about like spiritual tactics. I was once doing a photo shoot with this guy and he was crazy. He was mentally ill and there was a lot of moments and it was a paid for shoot.
I was being paid and we were being commissioned by this art studio to do this shoot and he was nuts.
It was just a lot to deal with on a spiritual level to like put up with this person and I went to the bathroom to pray because that's sometimes what I'll do to just get a minute to myself and I prayed and the voice of God, like again, I'm not
religious at all, but like I speak to something very clearly and it said, look, just get through the fucking shoot, shut the fuck up and like it'll be over soon and like just stopped. It's like, don't argue with this guy.
Don't fight with him, just like get through the shoot, move on, be kind. And so I did that. I just was kind.
And it ended up being like one of the best photo shoots I've ever done in my life.
Like it was really a special, like the photography that came out of that shoot will be forever immortalized in my life as like some photography that I'm so lucky to have been a part of.
And it was all because I tolerated someone's defects of character. Like this person was not perfect. This guy who's painting women's vaginas is kind of a weirdo and a creep.
But that's kind of cool that like she ended up with a giant painting of her vagina. So sometimes like we have to pay a price. There's a price to everything.
But it's about the thing that I said in the beginning when we started this questioning about the episode is it's all choices. Yeah. Right.
So there's nothing wrong with, I think her name is Annalise. Like there's nothing wrong with Annalise's character that she's made it a choice to just be-
Oh, Amelita.
Amelita.
Yeah.
Amelita is head to toe in Dolce Gabbana or whatever, and she's fit as a fiddle, and she eats the finest foods and travels to San Tropez or whatever. That's her whole life. But she's made a decision to make an exchange.
So the question we have to ask ourselves in our life is like, what am I willing to pay? Because we're paying too. Here's the lie.
In society, the lie is that men pay for sex. But the truth is that everyone's paying. It's just a matter of what we're paying with.
The payment is, is it financial or is it like, then I had to take off my clothes and become vulnerable and intimate or whatever?
Or moan? Or is it your career? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And whenever also the me too stuff, like I'm very like, like, really?
Like, did you not want the role in the movie? Like, I don't totally buy that it's a one-sided situation. Like, one manipulative, horrible guy is like, I'm going to rape this person.
Like, there's women who are like, just trying to get a role, you know?
I just guess, and this goes with the situation that you were in at some point as a woman, because I grew up in the 90s, but I was in college in the late, like 2007 to 2009, or 2008 to 2011. Nobody taught me about consent.
I grew up in Spain, which is very much like a bit conservative. Like, you're always supposed to please a man, I think, in society.
Even my gay girlfriends who are British here, will say, women have embedded deep within their brain that they always need to please a man.
Be it your boss, which by history is normally men, your father, because you're always your father's little girl or whatever. So there's part of me that I'm like, I feel inadequate for this fight.
Fine, I've made it to Hollywood and you're this big shot, but I don't feel, do I have the power? Nobody ever told me you have the power to say no, or you have the power, what will happen?
I think that is like the minute there's a big power imbalance, or the minute you don't feel that safe is when I'm like, yeah, be more empathetic, whoever's on the other side, because they probably think like you, nothing about it was screaming no,
but I think that the men or whoever's in the more powerful side needs to be a bit more empathetic and say like, is this okay? Is this okay? Which like, you know, maybe we can finally land in a balance. Yeah.
One day.
One day.
Okay. But then there's a very fun part of the episode that cracks me up. If this was a friend of yours, because Carrie then is at home in bed and Amelita calls her, she's ready to go to sleep and Amelita's like, Oh, don't be silly, come out.
We're at Balzac. And obviously, you know, she's like, I got to get into this hip restaurant. Off she goes, puts on her new Dolce & Gabbana sandals.
And you can see that, yes, it's very Euro trashy. Everybody's dressed to the tease. Everybody is like, is very decadent, like drinking more and more alcohol.
They are having like a very, I don't know, like lavish dinner. And Amelita introduces Carrie to this very handsome French architect called Guyu or something super French like that. And I think they have such a cute date.
Like one of those nights are like, huh, and I was going to stay home, but like I met a cool dude. There's a cool architect who was on his way to Brazil or something like that to do something there. Divorced.
They seem to have a wonderful night together, walking around New York probably until late. And then he asks her out to a date, like for a date the next day.
I think within like between that night and when they meet, Skipper comes in talking about how obsessed he is with Miranda. And I love that the writers commit so much to the bit that is like the power of female sex.
Skipper doesn't even shower after he has sex with Miranda. And Carrie is like disgusted, goes on the date with Guy. They have a wonderful date.
And then they end up at Guy's hotel. I don't remember his name, the French dude's hotel room. And Carrie is like, oh, I never sleep with men that I've only known for a day.
Ends up sleeping with him, wakes up the next morning. He says goodbye, I'll call you. And she notices that there's a letter next to the bed, which has $1,000.
Like if I, if that was me, and I came to you the next day and be like, what about me screamed prostitute?
Because like I think I'd feel insulted a bit like Carrie, confused, because being an outsider, I would have been nothing about that screamed prostitute to me other than maybe the way they met. So what would you, what would you tell me?
Or what would you tell Carrie?
I mean, I'm sure we've had, I've never had anyone leave me $1,000 after like a lovely affair like that, because it seemed like a very like mutually, you know, everybody liked each other, everyone was attracted to each other. It was like yummy.
So I've definitely never had that, that particular thing happen where then after having sex with some hot guy that I really liked, he left me $1,000. So I don't know, I don't have experience with that.
But what I would say is I wouldn't take it personally. It says more about him than it says about me. It's not like I seem like a prostitute just because this guy is a weirdo.
Yeah. And also, she did mention that she has no money to him at one point. And she did mention she has a shoe thing, that she likes shoes.
So it was like a blended feeling. I was like either he's a total weirdo or he feels guilty because he's like this non-committal guy who really isn't interested in any kind of commitment and was kind of lying to her and leading her on the whole time.
And at the end was like, well, at least I'll buy her a pair of shoes. Like I'll leave her a thousand bucks so she can go get a pair of shoes. That's the least I can do since I'm a total asshole.
I've only had them just leave and be assholes. I've never had someone give me a thousand dollar consolation prize for being an asshole.
Fair enough.
Sounds amazing. I'd love that. If every guy who fucked me over in my life left me a thousand bucks, I'd go like out and have some lobster right now.
I would have loved to invite you over to the breakfast, than the girls had the next morning, because I would have been like, yeah, that's his problem.
But I think it's also interesting. Then they have another debate between them. Samantha's saying sex is power, money is power, so it's just like an exchange of power, which was to your point, you always pay.
She just calls it power, but I think you're more like it's transactional, there's always a give and take. Then Samantha says something that races Miranda's, I don't know, spider senses, whatever you want to call it, feminist senses.
Because Samantha says men give, women receive, and that's just a biological destiny. I think she's talking about sex, she's talking about the fact that men traditionally, I guess also support the household or provide for their wives.
Do you agree with that?
I mean, I think the only place where I see the men give, women receive, there's something about it energetic in terms of the penetration aspect. I do think they can't be argued with, that's a fact there.
But as it plays out in other forms, there is something about leaning into the dynamic of what is most natural to the couple itself. Some women are much more masculine than feminine, and some men are much more feminine than masculine.
And so it is, I think, also about understanding body types and understanding who you're dealing with. If someone who's a very dominant, strong man, that's not someone you're going to be giving to.
Like, it's not the dynamic, like the dynamic is that they're the givers, or they need to feel like they're the givers. Even if they're the one getting a foot massage or like getting pampered, they need to feel like they're the provider.
And if they don't feel like that, they're not going to feel good. But if you've got some like little posy kind of guy who's like skinny and wears glasses and he's like very effeminate, I don't think that it matters as much to that person.
Like that person doesn't need that sensation. They're fine with receiving. They don't even think of it in that same way, if that makes sense.
So I think it's play by play. But definitely on a sexual level, even with a passive effeminate man, they're still sticking their dick in you. Like it's not, it's got to turn at some point into something that's that direction, you know?
Okay, I love that.
Then I think Carrie and Sam go back to Balsack because Samantha says, you know, you went into Balsack once, we're as good as in, let's try it again.
They go again to the restaurant, the hostess is spilling the same crap, and Carrie's just like, you know what, I'm done. I'm going to the bathroom and then we're leaving.
And on her way to the bathroom, she runs into Amelita again, and she calls her over. She's with a different man staying in a different, probably five-star hotel.
And she, I know a lot of people like that, that, you know, they'll run into you, they'll see you once in five years, and you're like, oh my God, we're going to Saint Tropez next week, you should come or like we're going to Aspen this winter, you
should come. I was like, I haven't seen you since we graduated college, what are you talking about? But she, Amelita is like, oh, you should come to Venice, this is Carlo, whatever this, you know, is Lee's bag, Italian man is.
And that's when Carrie's having that internal discussion that you were talking about.
And she was like, well, I could actually play up myself and leverage like a junk bond and actually get all the money I have into buying a ticket to go to Venice, stay with this man, get everything that I can from him, get married or marry rich,
divorce even richer. And then, you know, I'll skip on to the next one. And I think while she's having this discussion with herself, the guy pulls her towards him and then his hand goes on her ass. And then she was like, you know what?
No, I'm not going to go to Venice just because Venice is sinking doesn't mean that my morals should sink too. And she decides to park it there and she makes the decision.
And I think probably her sensitivities were heightened just because of the $1,000.
And then she goes to the bathroom and the hostess just to close the whole loop of The Power of Female Sex, asks for a tampon and that's how they eventually get into the restaurant.
But I'm wondering, because it sounds like, you know, you've gone through all the motions as being a woman that owns her sexuality. Did it ever?
Because I've had this internal discussion with me, myself a lot, how it makes me feel when a man touches me like that, gropes me like that. And I think, you know, like, it really bothers me. And I know it has more to do with them.
But like, how have you navigated those times where maybe somebody approached you, touched you, or did something to you that you were not consenting or inviting to?
I mean, I'm going to speak to the first part too, which is that the one, the tampon exchange. Because I think like, there's something really tender that happens in that moment.
And I think it's really important to speak about, which is that I think there's this note given there, which is that we are taken care of.
We don't need a man to let us into the restaurant, because there's a code happening on this planet of connection.
And usefulness, and we may think we'll be useful by giving up our pussy to some gross Euro guy, and then having the King is to the Kingdom of Balzac and Venice, you know, whatever, open to us.
But the truth is, is that there's other ways to enter the same restaurant. She literally entered the same restaurant by exchange of tampon to this young girl. And it's just about the brotherhood of man.
Like it is. And I also, again, back to the inviting, not inviting, I grew up believing that I needed external validation.
I grew up being taught that I needed men to objectify my body and to call me hot and to number me and to say, this bitch is this and da da da. And I got power out of that.
I literally, if I walked down the street and men weren't checking me out, I thought something was wrong.
So when I had the transformation in my life, where I no longer wanted that or needed that and said, listen, I do not objectify people and I do not receive objectification, that is something I no longer do. Now it's a sacrifice too.
I'd been spending my whole life, like when you're 12, do you remember gabbing with your girls and being like, oh my God, he's so hot. Do you remember chats like that? Yeah.
To me, that 12-year-old period where we're like, oh my God, oh my God, that whole fucking thing, it's something that came with me well into my 20s. When I had to give it up, it wasn't an easy sacrifice.
I had to be conscious of the choice I was making. I'm not going to do that anymore. I think when we sacrifice something like, again, I used to be a drug addict, now I don't do drugs.
I used to be dating only men that were wrong for me. Now, I have a husband for 15 years. I used to be broke all the time and like a wayward artist.
Now, I'm rich. These are huge transformations that are in three-dimensional space, but they all started with me saying, I won't do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore.
And when I stop doing something, the world changes. It's not about, I can't make the perfect man appear and marry me. I can't make that.
I also can't shoplift my way to like a four-bedroom Park Avenue home. You can't fuck your way into the life of your dreams. And that tampon exchange is actually the way by which we get into the life of our dreams.
It's like these little gifts. If you really think about it, the thing that's going to lead you to the life of your dreams starts with that kind of tiny accidental moment where you were nice to someone in a bathroom.
That's it.
It's not by you giving up your morals and standards and going off and fucking someone that you don't even want to have sex with. And back to your question about how do I feel when I'm touched. I'm not fucking touched like that anymore.
The moment I made a decision that I wasn't into that shit anymore, I stopped existing in that world. I literally stopped. I'm still hot.
I still do photo shoots. I get paid for being beautiful all the time. I just don't get paid for being beautiful in a disgusting, disgusting Maxim magazine kind of way, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love your take on the tampon scene because, you know, I thought it was just like a wink, wink of like, we haven't forgotten what the name of the episode was, but I love how your take is. She obviously got in that restaurant through another route.
This is, yeah. Yes, she did. That's a great takeaway from the whole episode.
Thanks. Okay, so we're going to go to the last bit that I like to do in the episodes, which is, you know, you, as their spiritual coach, would give advice to each one of the girls. Yeah.
So Carrie, you know, she would have come to you and told you that she was struggling with money, and then she ran into this friend of hers that is seemingly swimming in wealth and life richness.
And through her, met this other guy, they had a one night stand before he left to Brazil, and he left her a thousand dollars, and she's quite shaken about that. What would your coaching or teaching to her be?
I mean, I wouldn't shame her for going on the adventure. In fact, I would celebrate her for that, and I myself would go on that adventure, because you got to go the whole route to find out that it's not for you.
And then I would investigate with her, how does it feel to have someone give you a thousand dollars for sex? If you're into that, we should explore high-end prostitution for you, because it may really be a great thing, like a life option for you.
Yeah, and I don't know what the fiscal break is on that, but it's probably not.
What do you mean in terms of like a thousand bucks per day?
No, I don't know what the taxing is for sexual services. I don't know if it's taxed because it's not regulated, so you're probably tax-free.
I think you're tax-free. And also, it's just gifts. When I was in that milieu and thinking about becoming a high-end prostitute, it was at the end of my drug use.
So I was literally at the tail end of heroin and cocaine addiction. And I was like, do I keep this going with high-end prostitution? And I was like, I should try.
You know, because if you like heroin as much as I did, and cocaine as much as I did, and nice clothes as much as I did, and all the things that I liked, you would try it. And I had no money. I had no family.
I had nothing. And so I was like, let's try it. And I tried it, and I just felt so alone and so dark.
And I'm so grateful I tried it because it really did bring me to a place where I knew for sure that it wasn't going to be the path that I took. And then I ended up getting sober, like, you know, right after that.
So you made two choices, really, in one.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Yeah. What was it? Stop doing heroin?
Yeah.
No, I'm not going to do prostitution, therefore no more money, therefore no more drugs.
I guess that was the way it landed, was that I had no more money for drugs and I wasn't going to do that. So then I really had no more money for drugs and then I was like, oh shit, I have to stop doing drugs.
Okay. What about Samantha? And you know, here I have to say that Samantha, I think has a very healthy relationship with herself, but I'm not sure about somebody who would treat her body as such a like distant agent.
She talks about having sex about something that is so far removed from who she is to me in her heart, call me corny. But you know, to me, there's a lot of feelings, there's an exchange of energy and she seems to be so removed, nothing gets to her.
What would you talk to her about?
I don't see Samantha as somebody who's coming to get spiritually coached. So like the truth is, is that someone who is acting like that isn't looking to change. They're not trying to like, Samantha's character is very set in her ways.
She doesn't, she's covering up a lot of her pain with egoic winds, which she's very successful at. She's great at having, she really needs to get into that restaurant because her entire identity depends on it.
And for me, the people that come to me are people who get that, there's something fishy about the fact that they need to get into the restaurant that badly. Like I want to get into the restaurant too, don't get me wrong.
And that's why I spiritually teach people who are like me. You know, I guide people who want to be in the same restaurant. I get into the restaurant.
I get in by a tampon. But I get in like, I get in how I get in, you know? And what I'm saying is, is that I don't think that anyone who's that set in how they're like, you know what I mean?
It's like, they're not going to be looking...
Everything is very superficial.
It's not that. It's a cover up. It's a cover up.
There's nothing superficial about what she's doing. I'm not judging it. I'm just saying, those are choices built on covering up wounds.
If you've got wounds, you want to cover them.
Yeah. But it's hilarious because you were saying, she really wants to get into that restaurant. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence that the restaurant is called Balzac, which sounds like ball sack.
So then what about Miranda? I think Miranda continues on to be a feminist in charge of the movement amongst the four girls.
And I think when they're talking about whether or not Charlotte should go to the farm to see this artist, and Charlotte says, well, maybe he wants to sleep with me.
And then Miranda says, well, if he comes anywhere close to what you're implying, call me, we'll sue him, because that's the only appropriate way to trade sex for power.
And she is, I think, so passionate that it's hard for me not to get like, yeah, you're right. But I think she attaches too much.
There's some frailty from my point of view in her power because of all the meaning that she attaches from external, like the men. What would you talk to her about?
I mean, first, for Miranda, it would really just be about softening for her, because she needs to lighten the fuck up. Also, I'm helping people to live lives that are joyful. I'm helping people to live lives where they get what they actually want.
I think Miranda is somebody who's really busy trying to fix the world and solve the world's problems, and that's not helping her personally.
So I would just bring the attention back to her, and I would just be like, that's great if you want to crusade for feminist powers out in your day job, but when you come home and cuddle up with someone, how are we going to get you to put all those
ideas down for a minute so that you can get the sex that you want, or the love that you need? I'd probably help her come out of the closet, to be honest, because that's what eventually happens. I'd be like, bitch, you gay.
Let's get 20 years.
If you read my book, you'll see I've done that before. I had a client that for six months, she was like, no, no, no, no. The bitch is married to a woman.
I'm like, listen, you are gay. I didn't tell her she was gay. I just sat there and was like, I don't think you're straight.
I'm not saying you're gay.
I'm just implying it.
Let's just play with the idea that maybe you're not straight. Let's start there.
That's hilarious. You would have saved her a lot of heartache. Okay.
Then last but not least, Charlotte agreeing to going to the farm, dangling a carrot just to maybe get this man shown at her gallery. But also, how uncomfortable she seems to be around nudity working in the art field is very interesting to me.
What do you think about her in this episode?
I mean, she's like the perfect. She's like so many of my clients are like Charlotte. Just like this afraid to be with the thing that they love the most.
We're all at war with ourselves. I think Charlotte really is, she's really a lie. She's not really who she puts out to be at all.
This coy little cute little blubbity, blubbity, it's a show because the truth is, is that she's just a wild little girl. She's like, you know what? Fuck it.
That's a different. If we took Charlotte and made her the kind of person who literally said no to that at the end, she'd be Miranda. Charlotte's bullshitting everybody.
She's literally going around playing everyone. That is not real. Her little, it's all like, I think it's kinky almost.
She does kiss the gardener.
She does entertain the threesome.
Yeah, she only does the thing. She's like a character in Sense and Sensibility. She's funny.
It's just a, like, you know.
Yeah. Okay. That's hilarious.
I think that's it from the episode. But Biet, I'd love for you to maybe talk about more what you're working on now, because I know you're taking some new steps with the way that you work.
And I've loved getting to meet you and know your work, but I'd love the listeners to get a chance to do so as well.
Yeah. Well, as you know, I've been taking women and men through work for over a decade now. And a decade is how long I've had this as a career.
Like I started a brand, I started doing meditations and galleries. I fused the art world with meditation and blah, blah, blah. But I've been doing what I've been doing since I was born.
My father was an awakened shaman. I studied with him my whole life. I have a real dense, rich understanding of the human experience, and I'm magic.
I've been helping people one-to-one, and I do huge events all over the world. Most recently, I started doing groups. I have two groups right now, one of which is perfect for the topics we're discussing.
It's called Wifestyle. Wifestyle is a group for women to relearn what the problem is with their dating with men. That just started.
It's so exciting because I'm literally taking them through the exact patented process that I've been taking my clients one-to-one through for the last decade.
And is that only in person in California or...
No, it's all Zoom and the members are from all over the world. And it's at a time zone that really works for everybody. So I think it's 11 a.m.
Wednesdays, PST. So it's like 8 p.m. for a few of you in Spain.
Yeah, 8 p.m.
Spain time. Great.
Doable, doable.
I'll definitely pop that in the show notes. But thank you so much, Biet. This has been so fun.
I just have one last question.
Yeah.
Does it say Casey in your necklace?
It says Cash. That's my daughter.
Oh, I thought it was Casey. I was like, how cute, because she would still want to put it in touch.
I know. That's so cute. It should say Casey.
She definitely has my heart. I think everyone should wear a gold necklace that says Casey.
A hundred percent. She's the sweetest. Well, thank you so much.
All my love to you and your family. And as you know, I'm coming over.
Yeah, I'll see you soon.
Yeah.
