Breakup Rules, Rebound Yankees & Why Carrie Needs to Stop Asking Everyone Else What to Do — S2E1 with Corinne Aparis, Life Coach

About This Episode

In the Season 2 opener of And Just Like That… We Found Therapy, host Isabel MV sits down with certified integral life coach Corinne Aparis to unpack Sex and the City's "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." Fresh off her breakup with Mr. Big, Carrie is a mess with a press pass and a maxed-out credit card — and the girls keep throwing breakup rules at her. Corinne and Isabel break them all down, from Charlotte's half-the-time formula to the hot dog vendor's ghost-and-change-your-name approach.

What We Cover

• Every breakup rule from the episode dissected: which ones actually help, which ones are toxic, and which ones are just hilarious

• Why Charlotte's "half the time" rule works until it doesn't — and what it's really doing for you psychologically

• The problem with making yourself a victim of your own breakup (Victimville, Population: Carrie)

• Maxing out your credit card, inviting a Yankee and buying a dress — or: how Carrie used external accessories to feel good enough

• Deleting pictures vs. keeping them: what your choice says about how you're processing grief

• Don't cry in front of your ex vs. be vulnerable — which matters more?

• Ghosting exes in the age of Instagram: the difference between creating boundaries and erasing someone from your life

• Miranda's armour, her inner critic and what running into Eric Asshole two years later really revealed

• Why the real love story of Sex and the City is the friendship — and the cold fries scene that proves it

About Our Guest

Corinne Aparis is a certified integral life and professional coach based in San Diego, working with high-achieving individuals — many of them children of immigrants or third-culture professionals — who are ready to move from surviving to thriving. Her three to six month coaching programmes help clients reconnect with their values, support systems and sense of fulfilment. Find her via the Journey network and in the show notes.

Transcript

Hello, we're finally back. Welcome to season two of And Just Like That, We Found Therapy. For the first episode of this season, I'll bring into you Corinne Aparis, or as I named her for the first half an hour of the show, Corinne Aparis.

She is absolutely awesome. I am very happy she was the first one to initiate this new season. I hope you listen until the end because honestly, she is such a special human.

I hope if anybody thinks that they could benefit from working with her, I completely recommend reaching out. But anyway, I'll leave you to it. I'm very excited to get this season off to a great start.

So I'll see you on the other side.

I love you.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of And Just Like That, We Found Therapy. Today, I have with me another member of the Journey universe called Corinne Aparis. Wait, that sounds very French.

How do you pronounce it?

I love that, though. Can we just go with that?

But Corinne is part of the Journey Network, and she is a certified integral life and professional coach based in San Diego, who is a daughter of immigrants. And I love that a lot of your bio was around how you love the ocean and you love to surf.

Anything else that you'd like to add to your intro?

I think you've got it, Isabel. Yeah. Thank you for having me here.

Of course.

No, thank you for coming on board. Today, we're here to discuss the first episode of Season 2 of Sex and the City, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, which is the first episode after Carrie has broken up with Mr. Big, and she is a mess.

And I loved that when me and Corinne first talked about this. She was very excited because it was an episode where the girls really surrounded Carrie and wanted to be there for her after such a breakup.

So normally, what I tend to do with this episode is that I tend to go scene by scene. But in this episode, I think it was so much fun, the fact that they kept throwing very both useful and completely useless breakup rules.

So I think I'm going to scheme a bit more through the episode that I normally do. And I'd love for us to dive into the breakup rules at the end of it all.

But at the beginning, we see Carrie's voice over talking about the fact that she's not allowed to go out into certain locations, certain times of day, completely forbidden.

And she has this, like she looks, not her best, but again, if that's her worst, I don't want to ever be compared to her. And Miranda and Charlotte break into her apartment and they're like, okay, Anne Frank, we're taking you out. It's a surprise.

Get ready. And I think here they take her to a baseball game. And here they start throwing some of this breakup rules.

And I love this one of Charlotte's always stuck with me, which was, it takes half the time of the total time you went out with somebody to get over them.

And the only way to get over them is to be really, really sad, talk about it with your girlfriends for endless hours, and repeat over your head everything that you hated about him over and over again. How do you feel about that breakup rule?

Well, first of all, that's the most Charlotte advice, right? For her to say, the most Charlotte advice. And well, I want to first start off with saying that I feel like rules are like they work until they don't work, right?

I feel like rules allow you to have this feeling of like control when things are just in disarray. And then the minute the rules don't work, you blame the rule. And so I want to start off with saying that.

So I feel like there's times where that rule that Charlotte mentioned makes complete sense, we're vibing with it, you know, in terms of like, trying to measure feelings and emotions, like, sure, that's cute, like, try it out.

But until it works, until it doesn't work, it works for you, right? I don't know if that's like a roundabout answer, but I think there's something.

Yeah, there's like, Carrie says like, I love a good math solution to any love problem, which is like true. Let me focus on this one thing. It's like when, I don't know, your heart hurts, but you like stomp your little pinky toe against like a corner.

And then like, that's all you can focus about. So like, your heart doesn't hurt anymore. So yes, focus on getting through the next six months or whatever.

And then you'll be fine. My question to you is also, do you think that there's like a gold standard of how you can break up with someone as cleanly and also keeping your pride intact?

I think breakups are called breakups for a reason. I think there's a little bit of breaking that has to happen, whether that's breaking of the relationship and then a bit of breaking of oneself in order to then grow a little bit more.

I think that the gold standard in terms of like being able to leave unscathed, I'll say that leave unscathed from relationship is being able to have the most respect for yourself. And that can come in so many different forms, shapes and forms, right?

I think that sometimes it feels so good, so cathartic to just talk so much shit about the ex, especially with your girlfriends. There's something really satisfying in that.

But then at one point you realize, oh, I actually made this decision to be with this scumbag. So is this now a reflection on myself? And I think that's kind of the slippery slope in going in terms of these quick hits.

And so I would say the gold standard is really making sure you have the utmost respect for yourself, even if that means creating these rules that just help you get from point A to point B, or if it means just diving the deep end, and I won't reveal

the rest of what we might be talking about. But I think in terms of gold standards, it's just making sure you have the utmost respect for yourself.

I like that.

I was like, they kept also, because then obviously, they go to this baseball game, and they're drunk or as Carrie calls it, sedated for her pain, and Carrie catches this foul ball that falls into the high seats, and she manages to get everybody

through the locker room with her press pass, and they wait for the new Yankee to come out, for him to sign Carrie's ball. And she invites him to the Dolce & Gabbana party, and they start talking about, you know, Carrie, that cannot be your rebound,

your rebound needs to be like a balding accountant, or something like that, not the new Yankee, blah, blah, blah. And she is then back home writing her column, and thinking out, well, not out loud, in her voiceover, I was thinking, like, was

Charlotte right? Should we just go through a slow, painful process? Or was Miranda right? Should I just get back out there and, like, you know, cut my losses?

When you say, keeping the at most respect to yourself, do you think that there, like that comes into question when maybe you push yourself to get back in the game a bit too soon?

How do you manage that fine line between pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, but also giving yourself time to heal?

Yeah, that's a great question. I think there's a route. I said that to buy myself time to think about that.

You know, I see like watching Carrie when she was writing her little column, and I think there's so much wisdom that our minds have. I hear her trying to like create this pros and cons.

She has like two of these really great friends that she really confides in, and she's really trying to understand, she's trying to grab onto anything at this point. I get the sense that she's feeling really desperate.

And there's a lot of wisdom in our heads, but I think there's like this deeper wisdom that you have and that we all have in our hearts and our bodies.

And I wonder how it would be like if Carrie were to just like slow things down just a little bit, and quiet the voices that she's hearing from her girlfriends, and quiet the voices in her mind, and really connecting with her body.

You could only guess what the best next step is, right? You won't really know until you take that step. And so just asking herself, like, what is it that...

what's good enough for me, and my soul, and my heart right now? Her heart's like aching. It's weak.

And I totally empathize with her trying to like hang on to these like these little rules. And I'm curious, like, how would it be like if she just like checked in with her body, and checked in with her gut?

And then having that be more of the of the, not the deciding factor, but more like the guiding light in a direction? And just seeing how you go.

Because I think this ties in with when they go to the Dolce & Gabbana party, and she is there with Joe Stark, the new Yankee, and Charlotte is there with her new boyfriend. And they keep throwing breakup rules around again.

And I think one of them is lying to your friends because she says that she thinks that she's seen Mr. Big across the room, and Charlotte is like, What happened? Did you see him?

And she was like, No, I hadn't even thought about it. And the voiceover says, of course, I thought about it. That's the reason why I invited the new Yankee.

And that's the reason why I maxed out my credit card to buy this dress. Which is back to your point, because I think Carrie might seem like somebody who sits with her thoughts a long time, but I don't think she sits with her feelings.

And I think in that she was trying to just like make a point, distract herself, make sure that everything around her was shiny enough for her not to be able to think about things. And also for Mr.

Big to think like, damn, okay, there's no doubt in my mind that she is worth everything. I made a mistake.

She goes for those quick hit. And I think that's what the mind does. It's like the mind is meant to make sure you're surviving.

It's making sure you are just like, it's not trying to make sure that you are happy.

I think that's where like tapping into wisdom from other parts of our bodies and then integrating all of that kind of helps create a little bit more color into what's happening. But in her case, I find it fascinating.

Here she is working from her mind thinking like, okay, I'm going to look really fly, I'm going to look really good at this Dolce & Gabbana party. I have this hot new Yankee here. Like on paper, I'm like, yes, that looks great, good job.

You're doing an amazing job. And then she has these two friends. I see Charlotte representing like, let's sit with your feelings, let's sit with the heart.

And I see Miranda representing this action-oriented part, you know, like just like move forward. And it was probably just like annoying for me to say, but like there's nothing like, one is not right over the other. One is not wrong over the other.

You just really don't know until you take that first step. And I think that's where Carrie gets really, like really stuck. I think she's trying to do what's right for right now.

And labeling things as black and white just, I think if I would add to another golden rule, I think that's one that I would just like, there's no such thing as like right or wrong.

When breakups, I think the minute you start thinking of that, it then becomes kind of, it's like more like this negative self-talk that we sit in.

Yeah, she does seem very lost. Like she does not trust herself. She needs everything to be good on paper and then get the validation from her friends.

But then again, I think in this same scene, we also get introduced to the flaw in the new boyfriend of Charlotte, which is that he keeps tugging at his like crotch area and touching his balls or something, which, you know, brings us to the next

scene, which is the girls having brunch. And this scene was, has always stuck with me as well, because the four of them are talking about men, probably, and then Charlotte gets like super excited because she sees on page six, there's a picture of

Carrie with the new Yankee, and she's like, oh my god, you're with the new Yankee, you look great, like that dress looks great on you, blah, blah, blah, na, na, na. And I think Miranda's trying to talk about her new Palm Pilot.

Charlotte keeps going on about the page six and is like, this is going to be so great, the first time Mr. Big sees you, and it's in the page six and with the new Yankee and with this dress and blah, blah, blah.

And Samantha says like, oh yes, that dress paid for itself, you don't fool me, you're using the new Yankee. And Miranda's like, you know what, I'm going to go pay.

And then when she leaves, they start talking about Charlotte's boyfriend Ball's problem, whether or not they're too long or something. And Miranda comes back, and she's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Charlotte's boyfriend Ball's.

And she's like, I can't anymore, we're super interesting grown women. And suddenly it's like, we cannot talk about anything that is not Mr. Big, Ball's or boyfriend's, their penises.

Carrie's voiceover says, in the case of Miranda versus silly women all over the world, the verdict was in they were guilty.

And I think this is very interesting, because obviously, it's very girly to like bask in all that and talk about men with your girlfriends and go for brunch and do this.

But in the same scene, Miranda goes for a walk, and she runs into Eric Asshole, who is apparently this guy that broke her heart a couple of years ago. And she mentions him at the beginning of the episode, saying like, I got over him straight away.

So, you know, take a page from my book. And she loses it. What do you think of Miranda, her reaction then with the girls and her reaction with Eric Asshole?

So I see two things.

Miranda is making a super valid point in terms of she's wanting to encourage her girlfriends to think beyond this day to day, like let's just talk about men, and almost encouraging her girlfriends to de-center men and center themselves.

And I'm like, okay, that's super valid. I think there's something there. However, these men that they're dating, this guy with perhaps very long balls is impacting them.

It's just like it's part of their lives. So how do you talk about men in a way that's not centering them and centering ourselves? And that was interesting.

I kept thinking about that throughout the whole episode.

And at the same time, seeing Miranda reacting in that way and seeing asshole Eric, I think for her, she maybe in a lot of ways thought she was above all of the like quote unquote girly ways of bickering.

Like she herself just seems to be somebody who, like in this episode, like she comes with a lot of like reason and like very much like this is how I did it. This must work for everybody, right?

As she as she mentioned, like borrow a page from my book. And I think that was probably like a bit of a disconnect from her own heart and her own emotion.

Yeah.

And maybe in a way like kind of projecting her like the aspiration that she is working towards and hoping like, yeah, I'm fine. Like no man is going to impact like what I've got going on.

And I think that was something that she was like, I saw like a full projection of that at brunch. And then running into Eric, it was just like this like moment of, you know, you saw Miranda like softening.

Like that was probably like one of the most like vulnerable experiences that we saw Miranda in this season.

Probably in the whole series.

Right? I think so. I think like those moments that she softens, like something happens, like it pulls on my heartstrings.

It kind of reminds ourselves that like we're human, even like the baddest bitch in town will have these moments, like, and that's okay.

Yeah. After that, Carrie decides to like go on a second date with Joe Stark and they are at this pop or like sports bar. And she looks cute.

She's with a new guy. And she does see Mr. Big.

This is not a vision. He's there. And he approaches her and they have this interaction where she is saying in her voiceover, this was the perfect first time for him to see me.

I was looking great. I was feeling fantastic. But you see how everything turns into slow motion with her and him.

Because she does not, she's not over him. And I think then you see them outside of the bar and he's trying to interact with her. He's being so sweet, inviting her to a party, tries to kiss her and then she burst into tears.

In his mouth and then just leaves. I remember seeing this episode, she goes into a phone booth and calls somebody and says something very cryptic, like, I know you and I are not great right now, but like, can you meet me at our spot in half an hour?

And I always thought she was calling Mr. Big.

Totally. Yeah, same.

Yeah. And then we go into the diner, she's looking for whoever she just called and we see Miranda. And they sit down.

And this is what I was telling you that I think she's so lost and looking for everybody to tell her what to do and how to get better.

Because she starts a conversation to Miranda by saying, I know you want me to be over him, but I have to tell you I ran into him and I lost my plot.

And it's so both endearing and sad the fact that she thinks that Miranda may not withhold her love from her because she's not over him as soon as she thinks she wants her to be.

But also how sweet that she's like, I'm still going to tell you I lost my plot. And then Miranda also stuff ins and says like, listen, it's not about you, it's about my thing. I saw Eric Gasol and I lost it.

What do you think about this last scene?

Oh, that was one of my favorite scenes in this entire season. It was just like a true display of the real, like in my opinion, the real love story of this entire series is like amongst all of these girlfriends and really support each other.

Like that was so...

I'm getting goosebumps.

I know. I'm getting a little teary-eyed. It's just...

I also saw Carrie becoming really vulnerable too. I think in her mind throughout the whole episode, I think she thought she was being vulnerable and being like, I'm having a hard time, guys, da-da-da-da, like how do I do this? How do I do that?

And in that moment, it was just like this, her breaking her heart open.

Rather than trying to put all these rhinestones on it, rather than trying to create a math equation to get herself out of it or into something, there she was just breaking her heart open. And I think that was also...

When someone does that to you, who is someone that you love and you care for, Miranda, how can you not also just sit with them in that? And I just love how the whole scene was them. There's probably just a few little lines.

It was in this long, long-winded response from Miranda or from Carey. And it was just this beautiful scene where they panned out and they were just sitting there and eating fries in silence.

Yeah, and they have such a cute thing where she's like, this fries are cold, and she's like, so what? Because Miranda's still Miranda.

Yeah, she's Miranda at the core.

And that's when they say the last breakup rules. So I think I would like for us to go through all the breakup rules that get thrown through the episode, if you don't mind, and then you can chime in. Some of these are really fun.

Some others hit home. But I think the episode starts with Carey saying, avoid certain streets, certain locations, certain times of day. And she is kind of like this refugee that cannot get out.

What do you think about editing your life post-breakup to make sure you don't run into your ex?

I think it's great. I think it's a matter of her creating boundaries. I think when you go through something as tragic and at times traumatizing as a breakup, do what you need to do in order to create these boundaries.

And for a certain period of time, I think editing in terms of editing your life values, like avoiding things in order to... It's like a very fine line. You just, you honestly, you don't really know that you're crossing it until you cross it.

Yeah.

Is the hardest when you share friends, like when you have to edit your life, i.e. you get invited to a birthday or engagement drinks and like, okay, who goes?

It's exhausting. It's like this extra math that you don't think about doing when you decide to break up with someone, you know?

When you decide to break up with someone or someone breaks up with you or whatever, or it's neutral, you're not like, okay, this is how the rest like, for the however remaining like a month or two or sometimes years, I have to do this like this math

Somebody getting drunk and saying something stupid.

Yeah.

So in terms of like editing, I think it helps in the very beginning stages, right? When you're tender, when there's only so many calories that you can burn in a day.

You know, just like making sure you wake up, go to your job, like not cut ties with your close loved ones. And then you have to do a little bit of this like editing so you can just like focus on what's important.

The basics.

Yeah. The basics. Just the basics.

Okay.

I like that. Then the second one is the infamous one coined by Charlotte saying that it takes half the time that you went out with someone to get over them, which she in this episode does because they went out for three weeks.

So in a week and a half, she was over her music producer boyfriend or whatever. Do you think that that's a good rule of thumb or that's bullshit?

You know, I kind of have used this rule before. I have to admit that. Like, I've used it.

I actually didn't. It wasn't until I was watching this episode. I'm like, oh, did this come from Sex and the City?

Like, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Like, did this one come first? And then they just like, you know, happened to have a TV show to like talk about it.

So in terms of like, is this a good rule? I mean, what's the harm? I see like it being like the lowest stakes rule to try out.

Because like, if you're doing someone to that mark, and then we'll see. Exactly. Get yourself to the mark.

And then in the process of getting to that mark, sometimes you just forget. You're just like, oh, you wake up one day, and you're fine, and you're healed. And then you cry in someone's mouth.

And you start it all over again.

Yes. Because I do think that when she also takes this rule with the feeling really bad, crying to your girlfriends and repeating over and over in your head what you hated about him, I hate that. Like, I hate feeling like a victim.

Like, maybe I might... Sometimes I get in shock, and I'll be horrible company for maybe like a week. And after that, I have to start pretending that I'm fine, and I don't want to talk about it, at least with the same people.

I'll go out of my way to find friends that I haven't talked to about it if I feel like I need to talk about it again, but I'll need to rotate. I don't think I could cast the same friends over and over to go about the same thing.

Right? Because you want to keep those friends. You want to keep them.

Yes.

And when you said about victim, I wrote some notes as I was watching this episode, and the very first note I wrote was Victimville Population Carry.

She became a victim, created her own village, is the only population of her. Like that was like the crux of the show.

Yeah, because even Miranda tried to empower her, and she was like, you broke up with him. And she's like, and that makes me what? Happy?

So she was like digging her heels and like, poor me, poor me, poor me. The next three or four rules are hilarious because they're the ones that we get in snippets through the baseball game.

So people who are also in the baseball game are giving their breakup rules.

And I think we see like this young boys or men saying like, whatever you do, don't cry because then if you cry, you'll always be the guy who cried about, you know, in front of your girl. So I will translate that into don't be vulnerable.

Don't show all your cards. Do you think that that's a good rule?

No. I'm very biased about being vulnerable. If you haven't picked up on that.

I just think like when you hold, I mean, there's a line that you don't want to cross, right?

You don't want to lose respect for yourself, but that's not the same as like crying or being vulnerable.

Right. Could you imagine if you're breaking up with somebody and you're with someone for so long and they had no like emotion? They were just like, I don't know.

What worse that they did and I made fun of them?

Yes.

Like both are bad. Both are awful. So, I don't know.

I think they'll be vulnerable. What other opportunity can you be vulnerable? Right?

Like you're getting broken up with or you're breaking up with someone and you guys were once upon a time intimate, once upon a time like knew each other to like some higher, I don't know.

A brief process. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I say no.

Forget that rule.

That rules out then. Then the next one is this woman that says, no matter what happens, wait three months until you see him again. That's how long it will take for you to lose the weight that you put on while you were breaking up.

Which, obviously, I think that it touches upon, you know, maybe self-harming with food or self-trying to make yourself, like, comfort yourself with food.

I think, and this is my version of this rule, make your hobby, instead of eating, go into the gym or, like, volunteer. Like, what do you think about this rule?

Yeah, I think that rule, it okays the self-destructiveness, right? It gives people the permission to be harmful to their bodies.

Like, there's, again, I keep talking about these fine lines, like, yeah, if you gotta eat ice cream because it feels good. Like, I recently did that. I'm like, I just need to eat.

I told this to my husband. I'm like, I just need to eat my feelings. And he's like, yeah, do it.

And I did it and it felt great. But I wasn't hiding myself for three months.

Because I wasn't happy with myself. But that's maybe a treat or an exception that you need one day, then it doesn't take three months to lose the pint of ice cream.

So then the next one was give them everything they want, but just don't put anything in writing, which is a bit extreme because it sounded like agree to whatever they think that you did wrong, apologize, just go with whatever it is that you need to

get them back. Just don't put anything in writing so that you won't be held accountable for whatever it is that you agreed on.

I mean, can I be frank? I think that's the most toxic rule. I was truly trying to deconstruct this.

I'm like, what does this mean? Is this a matter of just saving face, putting on an act in order to just get to the next day? What's with this lack of accountability?

Like, I was trying to understand it like on the other, from a different perspective and seeing how that would just help, you know? And that's the one I really struggled with. I don't know.

Did you see it a different way?

I mean, there's two ways that I see this. He was very toxic because that just means like you're putting or sweeping the problems under the rug, but they'll just get bigger and bigger. You keep bumping against the same issues.

And the other thing that I saw about this is he was a professional athlete, and he was probably talking about a prenup because he needed to protect his assets. But that was the semi-lawyer in me, and I'm glad I'm wearing a tie for this one.

But okay, the last one was the hot dog woman being like, change your name, change your number, change your dress, i.e. ghost them. How do you feel about ghosting exes?

I have to take a long pause on this one because I'm like...

Ghosting exes, okay, what defines ghosting?

I think it's beyond drawing boundaries. It's just like not answering to a message maybe after three months that you've broken up being like, hey, I just want to check in. How are you?

I like you've blocked them everywhere. Like that person has been banished from the face of the earth in this day and age, i.e. all media, all communication, anything in your iPhone.

Wow.

I think there's a spectrum, right? I think when you're first breaking up, there's going to be some triggering things that you're going to see from their Instagram, their social media and all of that.

So create whatever barriers you need to create so you're not triggering and then becoming and then turning into victims though, right?

Yeah.

And then there's this other part around like, how do you go from being so close to intimate with this person to being like this person doesn't exist? You know, when I see them, they're just like a blur.

You know, they don't even exist or they are strangers to me. And I think that's the part that I'm like, is that does that create more churn like within yourself? Does that create more...

Is that attributing to your healing? And asking those kind of questions to check in. Is that rule actually...

Is that actually helping you in the long run? Is it helping you expand your heart as your heart has kind of been torn open or broken in a breakup?

But the simplest answer, like, I don't know, I just think ghosting, especially with an ex, like it doesn't really get you anywhere, right? Like you will run into them. Like they will pop up at some point in your life.

Or not.

Like I have a friend who believes that if you put their name in a little glass and put that in the freezer, you won't, like that is how she solves her issues with her exes.

Her freezes.

Don't get me started. Apparently, it's worked for her in several patients.

I want to see her freezer. How big is her freezer?

Friends of her are putting things in her freezer, so it must be very spacious. But I'm a firm believer that ghosting, I can't. Because once I've made a decision that somebody is good enough to be in my life, you're going to be in my life forever.

Sometimes this hasn't worked in my favor because people don't respect my boundaries. And it is hard when you're not over someone to be the one that always has to ignore or say, like, hey, we set no contact. I don't know.

I like, I always feel like if I block somebody or something, I need to ask for permission. Like, I'm going to do this for my own good. Is that OK?

How do you feel about that? Like, as a life coach?

That's like the healthiest form of communication. Yes. I'm just like, yes, as a life coach who, like, promotes communication, open communication.

I'm like, that is amazing. Because I think there's three things to hope when something happens, like, when you're breaking up, or in a lot of, like, life stuff. Like, there's three things you can do.

You can change it, you can accept it, or you can leave it. And I think the leaving part, I think in this day and age, because it's so easy to ghost nowadays, like, I think leaving and ghosting are synonymous.

Yeah.

And they're not. Because as you mentioned, like, you invited them into your life at some point. Like, yeah, you guys have shared something together.

And to kind of have them just erasing them, it's almost like erasing a part of your life. And I'm not talking about extreme circumstances where someone is, like, very, like, emotionally and physically abusive.

Like, that's, you know, I'm not talking about these other cases. And then on a personal level, like, I didn't notice when I am like, they're dead to me, I don't want to be around them.

And because, you know, even as a life coach, I don't take my own advice because I'm human.

You have to have life experience to give advice knowingly too.

Oh, totally. Yes. Because I'm like, I did that.

That wasn't great. In the past, I have been like, you are dead to me. And I find them, they find me.

I kid you not, I have ran into exes at the airport. Like, not even my home airport.

Yeah.

Like, airports and other cities, international. I really believe that I kind of conjured them. Or like the universe was trying to play a trick on me.

And I was like, all right.

You have to know this.

I have like what happened with Miranda, you know, with Apple Eric.

Yes.

Kind of like that. Yeah.

Okay. Then we're done with the snippets from the baseball game. And I think the next one is, while Carrie is getting ready for the Dolce and Gabbana party, she's trying to put on her Carrie necklace and she finds a picture of the two of them in bed.

And she says, right then and there, I created my own first breakup rule, destroy any pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy. I hate this. Like obviously now we don't keep pictures in physical form.

Hide the pictures. I hate deleting pictures. What do you think about that?

I'm right there with you.

I'm not into deleting pictures. Like I have tried to. And then you realize, I feel like I'm deleting memories.

I don't want to delete memories. But I will also say, I'm proud that Carrie created her own rule at that time. I'm like, good for you, because I was just watching her in this episode being like, people tell me what to do with my own life, right?

And so in that moment, I'm like, okay, that works for somebody, that works for them, but me personally, I'm just like, you know, deleting a photo is a very, you know, it's not final.

Let's just say that it's somewhere in the cloud, but it's representative to time, right?

And I think deleting that memory is like, you could have in your minds, but it's almost kind of like, in a way it also feels like I'm feeding more energy into that, like the act of deleting.

I also feel like you give things more power. Like, I think for me, not deleting pictures makes me sit with things a bit longer until I'm done. And then it's in a picture.

Like, I'm forced to deal with it in my own terms. Like, if that picture pops up because Siri is like, hey, look at this memory three years ago. I'm like, okay, cool.

At least I'm not running into my ex at the airport and be like, oh, now I'm not in control and I need to deal with this right now in front of somebody who I care about what they think.

Yeah, it's almost like I like what you said too about it allows you to sit in it, right? Because there's different ways of sitting with your emotions. There's times where you can sit with your close friends.

You know, that's very like, I love that. That's something I personally do. I think that's very important.

Like as a life coach, I encourage people to get your community support. In addition to that, there's also the kind of work that we have to do ourselves. And it's not like either or they kind of have to happen together or in a cocktail.

Like they have to be mixed in together. So I like that practice of like, you're sitting with it. This is physically in your phone.

You know, that's a way of sitting in it. And then as you mentioned, like it pops up because, you know, phones like to remind you of the past, whether we like it or not. It's almost like a way of measuring like, how am I doing?

You know, at one point, like maybe a week after a breakup, oh, tears you apart. You just want to like, you just want to sit and cry, eat a whole tub of ice cream.

And then maybe for a month or so later, you realize, oh, wow, this didn't like, this didn't mess up my day. Like I can like, I can move on with my day.

Yeah. Yeah. It's lower, but it works better.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

The next one was about lying to your friends, because I think she talks about the fact that she hadn't thought about Mr. Big being at the Dolce & Gabbana party. And that's why she invited the new Yankee, bought the dress.

And I think this is also, it's also a lie when Carrie says to Sam, like, I'm not using the new Yankee to make Mr. Big want to die. She did use the new Yankee for that.

What do you think about maybe us concealing some of the not highest version of ourselves behavior around a break up?

I think that's totally fine. Like, it is the most human thing to, breakups, post-breakups are like these different stages, right?

And there's not one order, but there is a stage where you, I have noticed like from myself and from clients I work with, like everyone needs to know what's happening to give me like support, you know, in whatever form that looks like.

And then there's this part where you're like, wow, it looks like everybody is moving on with their lives. And you kind of want to also participate in that too.

Yeah.

And I saw her doing that as a form of like, how do I participate with my friend, not looking like a victim? But then there's other part of it too, where she's like denying things of herself.

I think in terms of like not having, you don't have to show like your highest self to your friends at all times. I think that would be like, like rather exhausting.

But then the part around like having to almost like, is it a lie to yourself when you're kind of putting up a front to a friend?

I think she knows. That's the thing. As long as she knows.

Because she was like, I know that I maxed out my credit card, like it was coming out of insecurity, which is leads into the next rule, which is until emotionally stable enter no stores. And she's like coming into her apartment with a bunch of bags.

I don't know if she's put it together, whether that is her insecurity or trying to compensate for her feeling not good enough, that she needs to come in with the new Yankee, a dress that is above her means, and then spending even more money to dress

this version of herself that is over big, and is not only good enough for big, but maybe even better than he is. Yeah.

Maybe it's almost like the sense of like, it's the beginning of her sense of awareness. You know, kind of knowing like, hey, I may be doing like a little bit of like, self-destruction in somebody else's eyes.

And in her eyes, she's like, I'm really just trying to like get through the day while looking fabulous, you know?

Yeah.

I think she's like, I know, you know, it's like, I know I'm great, you know, I probably might do the best thing maxing out my credit card, but here I am. So it's like the beginning of the self-awareness, right?

Yeah. Like, I know it's wrong, but you know, that's the first step. I'm still going to do it.

Yeah.

And I think that stage is huge, like the self-awareness part. And I don't think we honestly give ourselves enough credit for that because it's a long stage and it can, and hopefully it's a stage that lasts us for like, for a while.

Sometimes it doesn't. And I think that awareness part is big. You know, she's realizing she's kind of in this, like, this stage right now in post-breakup land, where she, she see, it's almost like she sees all the moving parts.

Yeah.

She doesn't feel as attached to it as much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think that's big.

Yeah, I agree. And then the last one is no matter who broke your heart and how long it takes you to recover from it, you'll never get over it without your friends.

But you know I love that one.

Yes. Yeah. What do you think about that?

What do you think about, you know, some people I think try to deal with pain by isolating themselves. How do you think that is best to make sure that you have a good support system?

You know, it's easy to go into isolation when you're going through something because it's deeply personal. You know, even though other people have gone through what you've gone through, like I've also got through a breakup like that.

But the, how you experience it, who the person, who the other person was, like the conditions around it are so, so different.

And I think that's where isolation can happen because, you know, when you try to relate to other people and it's not clicking, it's not clicking, it almost feels like, okay, then I'm the only one that's experiencing this.

So it's hard to relate to others. But then that doesn't allow other people to support you. It doesn't invite other perspectives.

And I think the best way to welcome support is, you know, it makes you being really clear with yourself about what kind of support do you need.

I think that's the rules. And then for the last bit of the episode, we can go through the advice that maybe you would give the girls if you were their life coach.

So Carrie would come to you and say, like, you know, I recently went through a break up. It's been a month. But I am trying to get over it by spending a lot of money looking fabulous.

And I actually managed to go out with the new Yankee. And this is how I'm dealing with my feelings.

I'd ask Carrie, what is it that she's feeling right now?

Yeah.

I'd dig into that. I would ask her to bring a little bit more of my color, some words around what her emotions are.

Yeah.

I would dig into that heart-centered piece.

And hopefully show her like you're trying to get accessories to get you to the point where you think that you're good enough and you're good enough.

Yes. Essentially, in essence, right? It's like really making sure that she knows, like she doesn't need all these other, yeah, she doesn't need these extra accessories.

Like she's perfect as she is. Easier said than done, when you're feeding that to somebody who's going through a heart break up, it can go in when you're at the other, right?

And so that's why I start with the heart center and really digging into that first.

Okay. Then Samantha, in this episode, she's still with James, who is this guy that has made her catch monogamy for the first time, but she is very unhappy with the fact that he's not very well endowed.

What would you suggest to her to navigate James's shortcomings in order to maybe give this monogamous relationship a shot?

Or would you just be like, stop kidding yourself, like sex is a big part of your life and he's just not getting that box checked?

Yeah, well, Samantha mentioned this is her first long relationship in a while or ever.

I think in a while because later in the series, we get introduced to the guy that made her the way she is a bit, I think.

Right. So it's new for her to be in a relationship, to be this long into a relationship where you're getting into the deeper intimacy parts of the relationship.

I'm not talking to sexual intimacy, but also what comes to sexual intimacy is also having to be intimate in communication. I would recommend to her to have a conversation with him. Like I was watching her doing so much work.

She was coaching him and trying to have a positive attitude and talking about it with everyone but him.

Yeah.

And I was wondering like how... What about him? He's part of it.

So let's invite him into this conversation because she shouldn't have to do the work herself. I think she's used to doing the work herself, having been in more shorter term, non-committal, non-monogamous relationships.

And so I see this as a really amazing growing opportunity for Samantha to coexist with somebody, to collaborate with somebody.

Yeah.

So I think that would be my recommendation to her.

Okay. That one's great. I actually think they end up in couples therapy.

So then Charlotte would hopefully ask you, like, how do I go about telling my boyfriend that it bothers me that he keeps tucking at his balls all the time? Would you tell her to buy him underwear that is supposed to keep it tight?

I can. These women are working so hard. I think there's so much work that they're doing, and I would go as simple as communicating with him, starting with how it impacts her.

Being like, yeah, I've noticed this. This is how I feel when I see it.

Kind of approaching it like that, because I was also wondering, is she refraining from talking to him about this because she senses that he might feel insecure about this, or is this some fragile male ego thing going on?

It could be a combination of all of those things and more. But I think it's hard to do the work yourself when it's not about you. Yeah.

I would, again, invite her to have the conversation with him, tell him what she's observing and tell her how it's impacting her and go from there.

Yeah. Okay. I love that.

And then last, the most difficult one, I think, for me, which would be Miranda, because she would tell you, like, you know, I am over all this girly stuff, like I can, I have such a fulfilling life, my career is going great, my friends are great, my

life is great. And then her being very humbled by running into this ex two years even after they broke up. What work would you try to get her to do with you?

Yeah, I would do a lot of softening work with her.

You know, I think she has, and I don't blame her, you know, she's a lawyer and she, I think another person, so she talks about like her work experience and she's like, it's a very masculine environment.

So I understand like, and I can empathize why she would need to have like, put on so much of like this armor. And I think that's kept her safe and that's made her successful for a while. So I would do a little bit of like softening work.

I would ask her, I would guide her through a process of connecting a little bit more with her heart. Asking her where she may be feeling like some tension in her body. Really trying to get out of that like that head space that I see her also in.

I think her and Carrie kind of vibe on that level. Get her out of that head space, like forget all the mass equations. Not necessarily slow down the pace.

I would never say that to Miranda. She would slap me. I would never do that, but adjusting her pace.

There's no need to rush. There's no need to slow down, but just adjusting her pace. I would also do a lot of work around her inner critic.

There's a lot of like, I hear her inner critic a lot coming up. I would try to soften those voices that she has within herself because again, at some point, those voices has helped her a lot.

You know, it kept her safe, it protected her, and then now she's not in that survival mode anymore. So how can we detach ourselves from this inner critic that's kind of doing a little bit more harm and really connecting with her heart?

I think that's the kind of work I would do with Miranda.

I think she would really benefit from it, and so would Steve eventually.

Oh, Steve!

Okay, so that's the end of the episode. Thank you so much, Corinne.

I think I would just love for you to maybe talk a bit about the work that you do and what it is that you specialize in for our listeners, because I was very happy to get across to you, and I think a lot of our listeners would love to hear about your

Yeah, my pleasure.

So I work with a lot of high-achieving of individuals who are really looking for a different pace in life.

A lot of the folks I work with just happen to be either children of immigrants or who are also in this third culture world where they're far from their homeland or live between two different cultures.

And so all of those combined, there's a lot of work to be done in terms of really reconnecting with what matters most to them. And so what I do in my coaching practice is I work with clients for about three to six months.

We get into the weeds of what matters to them. Like what does their value system look like? What's the support system look like?

And really guiding them through this process and connecting with their heart, their mind, their body, and their soul so they could live a little bit more of a fulfilling life.

And so these coaching programs are perfect for people who are either transitioning from careers away from careers and wanting to work in more fulfilling industries or who are or folks who are kind of in the stage where they're like, you know, I'm not

in survival mode anymore. Like I really want to understand how I could thrive and get the most out of life.

And so I guide them through these exercises that I'm sure is not surprised that a Lamberri heart centered, but there's a lot of practical aspects to this work too.

You know, they leave very clear with where they're like, what's currently happening in their lives, what matters to them and really finding more fulfillment in their lives and also having fun in the process.

I mean, that's really important for me and my clients.

Yeah, no, I can see that. Well, thank you so much, Corinne. I'll pop also in the show notes where people can find you.

And I hope we get to have you again on the show.

Yeah, thank you for having me.

Thank you.